Overcoming Fear

Tanya Gill: 00:00:00

Hi friends, you know, we all have a story we tell ourselves and today I want to give you some inspiration to celebrate how far you've come and also get real with you about where I'm at. So today, I'm actually recording from my little tent, because I'm recording my audio book, The trifecta of joy is going to be coming out on audiobook. And, you know, today, what I really want to share with you is to talk with you about fear, I want to get real with you about where I'm at. And today, I'm going to be grossly authentic with you. So, you know, that's kind of the way it is in the trifecta of joy. I want to take you back to a moment in December, when I was literally curled up in a ball in a Vegas hotel bed, I was sobbing, I was rocking back and forth. And I was saying it was all a mistake. It was the day before I was going to partake in my international book launch to an audience of over 600. And quite frankly, I was scared. Before that I'd been waking up in the night having panic attacks, and sobbing for hours. But I'd slipped into some old and tremendously unhealthy patterns around perfectionism. And the cost was making itself pretty fucking clear. And you know, I like many of you may have done in the past, or maybe even find yourself doing right now decided I was too busy for this and tried to ignore it. I really just hoped it would pass once I got through the next thing. And I thought the next thing was the book launch in Vegas. So when I was curled up in the fear and Vegas, you might naturally think it was the thought of being before an audience of 600. That's a big size. Or even the thought of sharing the stage with famous people like Les Brown and Sharon Lechter. The for me, the fear was actually that people were going to read my stories, the trifecta of joy philosophy, and not only judge me, but also know some of just how messy my life was. And quite frankly, is because life gets messy. My words were starting to gain further reach. And for me, it was actually kind of terrifying. Tara terrified of the trifecta of joy book was really a scary thing. I was terrified, I wasn't good enough, the book wasn't good enough, and that the book was going to reinforce that even more. Can you relate to that feeling? Maybe it's not a book you've written, but perhaps something related to work, or family or friendships or your community, where you just don't feel good enough. And interacting in the world seems to intensify those feelings. Yeah, that's the inner critic. And yes, I'm telling you, the practicing what you preach is just that it's a practice. And my inner Dasia needed some serious help. I needed to return to myself. This feeling that I had, it brought up layers of PTSD that I've been working on for years. And it felt like a big old trauma train barreling down the tracks, and I was tied to the tracks. It felt like everything was just below the surface. And at any point, I was going to implode. Because my dad was bipolar. I was convinced that this must be the case for me. Oh, fuck, when I say I was scared, and that the trauma train was coming down the tracks. I'm not exaggerating. And you know, I'm sharing this with you because we can all fall back into old patterns when we're in crisis. And I don't use the word crisis lightly because I was in crisis. I was using my own tools, thank goodness, because I can't imagine how much worse it would have been without them. But I also knew that chemically there was something wrong. I'm fortunate enough to have an amazing doctor and she agreed that medication was needed for acute care. Then we put together a plan including a referral to a psychiatrist, as well as some more trauma focused therapy. You know, here's the thing. The result is that I've had to slow down return Learn to my awareness and return to sitting with the feelings and acknowledging them with as little judgment as possible. And that isn't easy. And you know, honestly, if the thought of acknowledging your shit feelings makes your skin crawl, I am with you. But the process of blooming from a seed takes time, energy and resources. And the resources needed were from within and from with others, and accepting how I was feeling and what I was in. And then taking the next step, no matter how fucking small it's each step, moment to moment that counts. It's a process. I regularly remind my clients and groups that presence plus process equals progress. There's a time and a place for medical intervention, and I feel no shame sharing it. From the assistance of my physicians, psychiatrists, therapist and personal coach, and my incredible family, I know that we're getting through this, what the fuck that I'm in. But most importantly, my trust in myself that even if this does kind of suck, there are moments of joy worth noticing and honoring. And that it's part of the human experience that I'll get through was so and continues to be so important. There are moments you will find yourself wondering if you can get through it. And I'm here to tell you that yes, you will. And as the moments have moved, so have I one step at a time. I'm honestly proud of the fact that I can trust myself enough to be honest with you here and now. And an unknown heart out there you listening maybe simply means this reminder that you can trust yourself to move through hard things to you are not broken, you are growing. I also realized I'd forgotten to flip the switch as to why I wrote the book in the first place. I couldn't see and hear and feel the overwhelm around me and ignore it. But I also wanted to make sure that others realized that there are simple ways to reconnect with yourself in a gentle and loving way. The trifecta of joy is about my desire to help others and show them the value of honor, empathy, love and presence, not only for others, but for themselves for you to ultimately inspire hope and to help you understand that we all are going through stuff. So you know, why am I sharing this, because I want you to know that we are in this together. And whatever you're in right now, whether it be one of the big four DS death, divorce, disease, or finding yourself in a big decision, we really are in this together. If you're feeling like you are in your own what the earth, I want to encourage you to consider who you are and how far you have come. Life moves so quickly. I am sharing a tiny slice of what I've been experiencing over the past four months. But if you need a reminder to look back over the last four months, or any other time span, to find things that you've done, right, I'm telling you right now that those things exist, they are they're the littlest things, moments with people you love time nurturing yourself decisions you've made big and small moment to moment, you've made it to here and that that itself is totally worth celebrating. Trust me, trust me, trust me. It takes time and effort to shift away from what isn't working to what is working. And you know what? That focus has so much power.

Tanya Gill: 00:09:38

It's what gifts you have in the moment in today. And you know, if you're going through challenge, give yourself a moment to acknowledge how far you've come. Because you have come from somewhere and it matters allow Allow me to celebrate how far you've come because I know you have. If you won't give yourself that grace, let me offer it to you. Whether you throw that timeline out a week, a month, several months, or even a year or farther, give yourself the grace to see where you have come from, what you have moved through, and allow space to celebrate that you have been, and are currently doing the best you can, with the resources that you have. Maybe you've been through loss by way of death or divorce or some other means. Loss is hard. And grief is thick and messy. Perhaps you're struggling with a relationship, and the challenges have been grueling on your mind, body and spirit. And you struggle you're to give yourself the grace for how you have been showing up. Maybe you're struggling with parenting and finding yourself wishing that there was a manual, or regretting some of the choices that you've made, but you're learning from them. Perhaps you find yourself in that beloved sandwich generation, and you're navigating aging parents, and your own children, perhaps even from afar. These are all parts of real life. Grace, my friend, when you give yourself the grace to acknowledge how far you've come, my hope is that you will realize just how fucking amazing you are. Seriously, life doesn't come with a manual and we're doing the best that we can. So if you're listening to this, you're ready for this reminder, and probably ready to create a shift. Even if it is ever so small. They all add up. They all add up. acknowledging how far you've come creates that energetic shift, the owning of your personal assets, your mind, body and soul as they have transitioned and navigated to where you're now is, is worthy of being acknowledged. For me, personally, this is huge. Because I can get so caught up in shooting all over myself about the future, and landing in fear of it. Or thinking that a day of not working, is wasting time or being lazy. Those are parts of my cultural stew that I continue to work through. My therapist reminded me that fear is future thinking. And it really struck a chord for me. Letting go of fear means being present. And being present means being where you are right now. In reality, it is each step, however large or small, that has brought me to now and has brought you to now. And that is actually what matters most. It's so easy to forget when we're worried, stressed or feeling low. But it's essential to shift that energy. And in truth, we can really only rely on ourselves to do it. You know, I truly believe that we attract the right people into our lives when we are ready for them to be part of our growing journey. So if you're listening to this, it's a sign to take some time to celebrate yourself, to really give yourself the opportunity to acknowledge who you are. Are you wondering how to do that? Because I'm here to help. I'm gonna suggest grabbing a pen and paper or a journal, or even the back of an envelope if that's what's closest, and writing about who you really are. I recently did this very journal entry that I'm going to share with you. And, you know, honestly, it is really just an opportunity to give yourself the gift of acknowledgement. So here's what I wrote. I wrote I am Tanya Gill, okay, pretty easy, my name. And then I started with what felt familiar, a mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend, a woman with two husbands, one of this world and one of worldly light that was extinguished 15 years ago. I'm a perfectly imperfect soul on a mission to spread love and light and a holder of sacred safe space. Ace, a listening ear, a speaker of truth. I'm a conscious creator, a healer, and a joy Alchemist. I am authentic. I'm a registered social worker, teacher, Grief Recovery practitioner and life success coach. And I'm also a sweaty fairy, a wisdom seeker and a connector. I am a spark igniter a spreader of light, and a sacred rebel. I am a believer in the likeness of mind, body and spirit as our divine right and intuitive Empath with gifts to share a soul with a mission to inspire others to live their juiciest life with joy, trust and adventure. I'm a difference maker on a mission one heart at a time and inspire of Hope, who embraces emotion, uncertainty, and moving through the muck of feeling stuck. I'm also a rebel that releases the need to fit a mold with a past that offers insight, a present that offers opportunity, and a future that possesses limitless possibility. And I invite others on that journey. I help others consciously transform what isn't working. And I mentor them to celebrate where they are, while choosing greater for themselves. My own perfectly imperfect life has been with the purpose to connect others with their hearts, their inner wisdom and their possibilities. I've felt the deepest of emotions and avoided them too. I'm human, and I'm flawed. I am a wisdom seeker with the gift to share and invite deeper healing together. I believe in the legacy of self love, and the importance of moving through our What the f moments with compassion.