Best Friends and Generational Change – With Tina Shingoose Fancy

Tanya Gill: 00:00:08

Hi friend, I'm Tanya Gill, welcome to lighten up and unstuck your What the fuck. Together, we explore the ways through life's stickiness moments, and how to live with more peace, joy, love and gratitude. We're going to talk honestly about what isn't easy so you can discover the light within you that will carry you forward. My friend, this podcast is about you in real life, your body, mind and soul, and the opportunity to not only live your best, but shine, doing it

Tanya Gill: 00:00:49

so my friends, welcome to lighten up and unstuck. You're What the fuck? I'm so excited because I have Tina here. And who is Tina? Tina is like my bestie. We all have besties in our lives. And I think that that we're I'm really lucky that I found you as early in my life as I did. You were a baby. As a baby. I was 18. Yes. That made you

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:01:20

2122. Yep.

Tanya Gill: 00:01:24

And when we met, I was intimidated by you. And I didn't think I could hug you.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:01:31

Yeah. Yeah. That was one of the first conversations. You remember that? Yep. I do.

Tanya Gill: 00:01:38

I was like, Yeah, I don't think I can hug you. And in my dorm room. Oh, my God. And now? Oh, no, you know you. But I'm really glad that you're here, Tina, because you and I have a lot of really important and deep conversations. We share each other's heart in a really special way. We do. And our friendship has been through a lot has ups and downs. And we've even been through separations we have and

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:02:10

reconnection we have we call it our temporary, strange with no what is it? We call it?

Tanya Gill: 00:02:17

The brake, the brake,

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:02:17

the brake, brake, the brake brake, yeah.

Tanya Gill: 00:02:23

But we always come together, and we always love and support one another. And it's true. And I'm grateful for it. Me too. We often have really cool conversations. And I often find myself thinking holy crap, like, the world needs to be a part of these conversations. So last night, we were talking about generations, yes. And we were talking about generations from the perspective of where we are in our lives, where our parents are in their lives, and where our kids are in their lives, and how time and technology and awareness and just basically cultural evolution has changed, how different generations are operating and how we are stepping into being a part of our own minds. Absolutely. It's so wild. When we think about the generation before us, what you know what comes up for you, when you think about that

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:03:27

the generation before us, I think about how our parents specifically our mothers did not have the same opportunities or options as we do. Or we did when we were coming into our, our early adulthood. That we had choice that we could choose when we married that we could choose when we became parents. There was still an expectation, I think of our generation that for the most part, that as a young woman, you got married, you had kids, like there was still that expectation on our generation. Which is not the case for our children, which is awesome. But for our parents, not only did they have that expectation, but then they didn't have options necessarily as far as when they had children. How many children they had. Yeah, just just a big difference in what our choices were.

Tanya Gill: 00:04:44

And, you know, again, these conversations, it's so funny, like, people say like, What's your relationship like with your mom right now? And I'm like, I love her. Right. But you know, I haven't talked to her since March and I come from a place of honouring where she is, and having empathy for what she in her generation and in her life experiences

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:05:07

it's been through.

Tanya Gill: 00:05:10

And that's only the things that I know about because I

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:05:12

know there's probably plenty that I don't know about. Absolutely.

Tanya Gill: 00:05:15

It doesn't change my love for her. But I also recognize that I can't be present physically with her. So I just hold her in my heart right now. But, but we also have to, and that it's impossible for me to go to that place of being angry with her in deeply because again, what she and her generation went through is so not what me and my generation

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:05:41

did. Absolutely. Even my mother in law, my mother in law. By the time she was 21, had two sets of twins, she had four babies and diapers.

Tanya Gill: 00:05:57

Talk about a lottery, two sets of twins. I know that, yes, two

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:06:02

sets of twins. And she was her mother passed when she was a young child. And she was the oldest of her siblings, including a set of twins, who she essentially mothered and then became a mother her herself at 19 to an unexpected set of twins. And then another set of twins two years later, also expected No, no second set were expected. She knew she was pregnant with yes, that must have been horrible. But what I like it, it astounds me what my mother in law was capable of at 21 in terms of like, all of that responsibility, and then I look back to a generation before her, and my my father in law's mother, we call kokum. My, she is my tea, married, status man. And they lived in a tent when my father in law was born in a Saskatchewan winter, what they were made up by just the different the differences from generation to generation is amazing. And in many ways our children have it's so much easier than the generations before. But then they also have it much it's much, much more complicated now. With technology and relationships, and you know, even getting to know someone you know everything about that person, even before you meet them, because you check out all their socials,

Tanya Gill: 00:07:49

right? You can fucking google anything. Yeah, or

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:07:51

anybody distance relationships, right? It's just different than what our understanding, even our generation, which has seen the evolution of this technology, and you've participated in it. To truly understand, well, it's,

Tanya Gill: 00:08:14

and you know, it's funny when you said I was, I was laughing, I was thinking when you're thinking about like, long distance relationships, when John and I got married, you know, you were invited to the wedding, but you were busy planting trees, so you couldn't come. But I was 20. Yeah. And when in part of the reason was, he was going away to UVic to go to law school. And I didn't want a long distance relationship, because at that point, a long distance relationship meant occasional phone calls is calling what's very expensive stuff, so and it meant letters. And it meant maybe seeing one another a couple of times a year, if we could afford it if you were lucky, right. So we made the decision to marry so that I could go out there and go to school and all the things, whatever

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:09:00

21 key is, when we look at our own children is astounding. That's right or thought of it.

Tanya Gill: 00:09:08

And so your kids are 23 and 21. And my kids are 23 2319 and 15. And like many people in their generation, they have experienced long distance relationships by way of phone, text online dating all of those things. And they've just experienced life so differently from how we have

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:09:40

Yeah, very, very different. Very different. Yeah.

Tanya Gill: 00:09:45

And you know, like, I think the social expectations are so different for them to like, in our world, the social expectations. A lot were you know, when we were young, going out to the bar or partying hanging out watching movies and now A lot of those social expectations just live in the

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:10:02

online world. Yeah. And I mean, you throw a pandemic in the midst of it, and it kind of just explodes. Any, any social outlet? Definitely. For my, for my kids, it's it's definitely impacted. So yeah, I mean, their experience in early 20s, very different from my experience, my early 20s. My experience in my early 20s, was very much, you know, a late 80s, early 90s. At the bar, doing nothing.

Tanya Gill: 00:10:35

Absolutely, yeah. It's not saying that our generate, like the that our kiddos don't have those experiences, and that the kids, it's just

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:10:45

different. It's just different. It's very different from our, our expectation. And we also mean as much as media in the 80s and 90s kind of impacted our expectation of, of what we should have at different points in our lives. I think it's very, very different now. It's very ramped up, that the expectation is the moment that you start to adult, then all of these things should be in place. Whereas when we were in our 20s, like, last night, we were talking about the fact that when so John was a pianist, John loved to play piano needed. And he played piano at the hospital here for for guests. And yeah. Why am I getting emotional about that?

Tanya Gill: 00:11:46

Because you love him and you love me.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:11:50

Tanya, and John had gone, you guys had gone to a local

Unknown: 00:11:57

shop, music store

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:11:58

music store, and John had found this piano that he absolutely loved. It wasn't a new piano. It's almost 100 years old. Yep. But he loved the tone. Love the quality of it. People love to touch. Yes, but it was you guys were broke, broke, young, dumb and broke. Not dumb, young and broke. Just trying to you know your shit. Oh, you're right. That was the reality. But you were determined that you were going to get that for John. And you were teaching at the time where you were teaching right. And you took on students tutoring tutoring. On the fly. Unbeknownst to John, it was a whole thing. Getting this around John so that he wasn't aware? Which honest to God, the you know, the tricks and I Jinx. Yeah. But then I pulled it off, and the day that the piano was delivered. And I just remember you describing John's reaction when he saw that, and just the amount of climbing and energy and work that went and the love that went into that. And that's not to say that, that our children's generation won't experience that. It's just different. Right? It's different, maybe different time.

Tanya Gill: 00:13:31

But what's interesting is like when you talk about it's funny when you talk about it's time being flooded with those memories. And I know what the date was November 13. Oh, 2002 Because it was 10 years from our very first date. And and yeah, like that sense of pride and accomplishment to pull off the surprise and to know that like this was such a deep indulgence that was so purely for him. And I like busted my ass to make it happen. Right. And, and I think our kids also bust their asses to make things happen when they're, you know, they want a car or they're doing those things. Absolutely. It's but it is different. It is different. And I think that our generation, because we've had privilege in a lot of ways. And like our parents, we just want our parents wanted more for us. And we want more for them. And in that process, I think we can really see how different generations are navigating the world so differently. And as parents, we have such an incredible responsibility to be there for them as they're navigating the world in their ways.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:14:55

Yes. And also, which I think is can be really difficult is stepping back and letting them experience all of it without wanting to shelter or bubble wrap. That's, that that definitely is something that that I struggle with. Because you want to like just the the mama bear just comes out and you just want to protect. But, you know, the reality is that that just isn't. That's not healthy for them. It's not healthy for us. And it's, it's interesting, because I think that as parents, like when our kids were little, we had a true appreciation of what our own parents went through. When they were little I had to my mom had four. So I think of oh my god, you know, her mom had eight, my dad's mom had 1011. Right. So the thought like, Haha, like how would you do it with, you know, four or Kim? Like, it just, it's it is an appreciation in the moment that, you know, oh, man, what must my mom have felt in that moment? And to go through it four separate times? You know?

Tanya Gill: 00:16:24

Absolutely. And and keeping in mind that for many of us, our grandmothers, and our mothers have fewer resources.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:16:33

Absolutely. Right.

Tanya Gill: 00:16:35

And that's the other thing like, resource wise, I always marvel that, like, anything I really need to know can be at my fingertips in 10 seconds. Oh,

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:16:47

absolutely.

Tanya Gill: 00:16:48

And yet, when John died, smartphones didn't exist, and texting was barely something was something that kids did, right. So time is moving so quickly. And now. You know, our kids have more resources, they have more information. They also have more input they have, they have lots of ways that information is supposed to be about the world, but unfortunately, can become about themselves. It's constantly inundating them with social media and like, I come back to social media because because Tiktok and Instagram, and Facebook and Twitter are so and Snapchat, they're so prevalent in the lives of our kids, that it's a way that they can act that I know I can't relate to. And I'm certain like our parents can't relate to. So just changes the it changes the way that we navigate

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:17:50

the world. Absolutely, it does. Absolutely it does. Without question,

Tanya Gill: 00:17:55

you know. And then it comes back to us as parents. And it's like, we were talking about sleep. Remember when we were little and we were like, Oh, I can't wait, you know, this is so hard. The realization I've come to is that if you're if you're serious about parenting, and you care about parenting, it's always gonna be hard to some degree.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:18:16

Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's hard conversations, no matter whether they're, you know, two years old. 10 years old. 2030. It's like that. That is, and parenting does not end at 18. Like, that's, that is reality. I still rely on my parents. I'm 53. Right. So, you know, yeah,

Tanya Gill: 00:18:45

the relationships evolve and change, but it doesn't mean that you

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:18:48

don't have a reliance on them for different aspects and pieces of your life. Of course, definitely. Absolutely.

Tanya Gill: 00:18:53

And that's what we want with our kids to like, I want to have a beautiful relationship with my kids moving forward into their adulthood. And also someday, maybe be a grandparent. And that's a that's a piece. That's interesting, right? Because, because there was no question that our great grandmother's would be grandparents. Right. And, and I remember a time when John and I had a conversation about whether or not we wanted children because we, although I got married at 20, we chose not to have kids for another almost 10 years. But we because we had the privilege of choice.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:19:36

Yeah, Grant and I as well, right at 25. But we chose not to have children for a while I was 29 when Kashia was born,

Tanya Gill: 00:19:45

right? So yeah, so you waited. And those weren't options necessarily that all the women had in our mother's generation, that's for sure. Birth control came out in the 60s. So You know, Yep, absolutely those pieces. And yet now our kids, and the generation that is coming into being into adulthood now really do have a lot of options. And, and I know in some families and cultures and whatever, there may still be an expectation that someone's going to have children. But that generation now has never been faced with so much more beautiful choice. And, and I know that your children in Canada, in Canada, in our worlds, right, because that's the other thing is we've raised our children to know that they have a choice and that there is not an expectation that they will have children, I would love grandchildren. But more than anything, I want them to live their life and be happy, absolutely experience that joy from growing as their human being. Absolutely. And so and I

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:20:52

think that's what it ultimately boils down to is, as a parent, for myself, I just want my children to be happy. However that manifests. That's not up to me. That's not my I'm not, that's not my life to live. I just want my children to be happy, in whatever, whatever life they choose. And that's okay with me.

Tanya Gill: 00:21:19

What does happiness mean to you, when it comes to your kids

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:21:22

is feeling fulfilled, having a sense of purpose, whatever that is, right. Now, my purpose has definitely shifted over the years, purely for the, like, out of necessity, things out of my control. So things have shifted, so my purpose is shifted. But I still, I've still managed to create a life that I find purpose in, even if it's not in the field that I have chosen, like in the the career that I've chosen,

Tanya Gill: 00:22:05

can we briefly go there? Yeah. Okay. So, you know, when you talk about the way your life has unfolded, amazingly enough, there was a hot tub conversation we had a few years ago, many years ago, I guess now, where out of the blue, you said so I'm thinking about? And I was like so I'm thinking about, and we both had determined more or less at the same time that we wanted to pursue social work degrees. So how amazing that we got to go to school together best friends for the second time for the second time, because we met in university the first time. And

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:22:44

keep in mind at this point, I was in my early 40s. Yeah, you were in your late 30s.

Tanya Gill: 00:22:48

Oh, exactly. So totally different. We were raising kids, and you're married. I was, you know, single parenting, but we made it but we did it. We did it. We went to school together, we supported one another, we hit out and studied in the trailer in your driveway together and it was fucking awesome. And then we started working in social work together. And we were working in child protection. And you have Crohn's and Colitis.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:23:19

Yeah, I have Crohn's and some that significant back issues that sidelined me at the same time.

Tanya Gill: 00:23:30

sidelined is a bit of an understatement. So if and this is the other thing I was thinking is, oh, this is a video so when people watch it, they'll be like, continue to turn her head more than that. And I'm like, not really. But, um, I'm just setting on the day depends on the day, right? Totally depends on the day, but when you talk about like, redirecting your purpose, there's some people who would be like, Oh my God, my world is over because I can't and instead you're like, it means I can on the days I can. And it means I show up as my best self on every day, but some days it's just not as much as as it could be other days depending on where you are from a

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:24:13

health perspective there is there there really is nothing like a chronic illness to to kind of stop you. Because prior to that, because I was in my early 30s When I had my initially colitis diagnosis and then had to have surgeries. My children were five and three at the time as you know. I was pretty type a prior to that. But then a chronic illness is like no, there are days that you just can't do what you have set out for. And so over the years I have been able to I don't be okay to degree it's not that you don't get frustrated. There definitely is frustrations involved. I think, when, with the initial diagnosis, probably the hardest part was the impact on my kids. And I remember saying, probably to you, that I that I never thought of myself as being a sick mom. But that was tough. And just those restrictions and how it impacted my kids. But the reality is that we all have, we all face limitations as humans get as humans and as we raise our families or raise ourselves. And we just have to, we have to figure out how to manage and cope and build a life around whatever those limitations are. And that can be really, really difficult. But infinitely doable. It's just a shift, and you just you find purpose in other things, and healthy things, hopefully.

Tanya Gill: 00:26:13

But it is, it's, you know, it's the choice. So,

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:26:17

sorry, I'm gonna sneak off and just have a set, you do

Tanya Gill: 00:26:21

the step. It's all good. Um, you know, you know,

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:26:25

this is true coffee, coffee time, or a true couch time. Michael, Janney and Tina.

Tanya Gill: 00:26:31

So, you know, when I think of couch time with you, my turn, you know, like, it means so much to me to have you here because I'm, I'm not just sharing anybody with the world. I'm sharing my Tina. And we going through so fucking much. You know, and like, we've had a lot of couch time over the years. And sometimes it was like, literally, me with Isaac attached to a boob and a jog around my neck trying to feed him. Yeah. But other times, it was you showing up with Tim Hortons and a bagel. And literally me sitting on the couch crying, trying to figure out how I was gonna get through the day. And, and you were here for me day in and day out through a lot of really, really challenging times.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:27:24

But the interesting part is the reason why I was able to be here was because of my health issue. And because I couldn't work. So life works out. Right. You don't know why, but it does. So, two point,

Tanya Gill: 00:27:45

we've always we've always had the synchronicities. So we've been able to be able to support one another as needed. And that is, so thank God like the universe has covered there. Yeah, right. That is true. The universe hasn't covered there. And you know, like, I think we also come to a realization that when we find our people, those friendships are worth fighting. Absolutely. And, you know, we talked about the break, and we don't have to get into all of it. But there was a significant window of time where we didn't have our friendship, because my entire pregnancy your entire pregnancy with your second child, your son.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:28:22

Yep. And we ran into each other in the papers, or I heard her voice and like, Oh, can I get out of here? No. And it was no. And then it was like, Oh, shit. And yes.

Tanya Gill: 00:28:39

And then it was on call. And then that night, I literally like ran myself a bathtub. And then I was like, okay, I can do this. So we sat in the tub naked with one another on the phone. Separate bathtub, separate bathtub, obviously. Yeah. And then we just talked and cried and cried and talked. Yeah. And that's because it's worth fighting for. Right? Doesn't mean we always see eye to eye. No. But it's always worth fighting for. And, and, and what I love is that we do have these conversations about generations, we do look at our mothers with admiration and wonder, and so much compassion. And then we look at our own lives and we marvel at each other. And we also really honor what where we are, right like that's a big piece that that is an ongoing process. Maggie wants to be a part of this conversation. And and then our kids and like God, we love our kids so much and we wonder what is to come we just want the best for them.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:29:45

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Tanya Gill: 00:29:47

And more than there are

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:29:49

just remarkable, remarkable things that are happening with this generation. Like the acceptance that we see in our children of others is

Tanya Gill: 00:30:08

of diversity and change. What if there was one thing that I could say that I would hope for everyone in the world to have, but also for our own children to find? It is to be able to find a friendship like we have.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:30:25

Absolutely.

Tanya Gill: 00:30:27

It is not. I had no idea. I've always treasured you. But But when I see the friendship that we have, and I, and I observed some of the friendships that other people have, I realized that it is just such a rare gift.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:30:48

And it's it is a friendship that has confounded people over the years. Truly confounded people. We joke about the fact that we are two bodies, one brain, we often have the same thoughts, but you are much, much more outgoing. And not that I'm, but just if you feed off of other people, right. Which is not generally like I like my my group. Right? I'm not the one that goes into a social setting who's like, hey, yeah,

Tanya Gill: 00:31:31

you know, I fly you are I flipped? I love to flip.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:31:34

Yeah, I'm perfectly happy, you know, being in the background doing the things.

Tanya Gill: 00:31:43

Yeah, doing the things that need to be done doing things

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:31:45

that need to be done. And that's, that's okay. Right. But it has very much confused people over the years, until they get to know us. And then

Tanya Gill: 00:31:56

they get it. Yeah. Yeah. So alarms, the one we finish each other center.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:32:01

Yeah, that is true. That is true. And it's interesting, because it is a relationship that my husband of 27 years has understood, kind of from the get go, and that he understands that there are times that there are conversations that I can only have with you. And I think that's important, right? Because we need to sometimes we need to process stuff. Outside of our our partnerships are outside of our family. And that's a good thing. And it's a healthy thing. And it's been a very important thing for us over the years. And I think that what you're saying is that that's something that we wish for our children. Because it is it is a very it's a very special, a very special thing to have. And God knows when we first met, we would never have thought. I mean, I thought you were funny as hell. And bold, right? Like one of the first things we met in awhile, we realized we actually initially met in a women's sexuality class in uni. But we actually didn't speak to each other until we had a children's theater class. There's a combination. Yeah, women's sexuality and children's theatre. And that's when we got to know each other. And, yeah, one of the first things out of your mouth was I couldn't, I couldn't hug you just get the shit out of me. And I'm like, I'm just just being me. Like what that like, I don't like I'm five foot tall. What the hell am I scared and like, but

Tanya Gill: 00:34:05

but and I think that's the other thing is like when people see us, I'm five nine, you're five feet. You have like a lovely all of complexion. I'm white as a ghost. You have like dark eyes darker hair. I

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:34:20

don't yet we have been asked before. Ya know?

Tanya Gill: 00:34:24

And it's like, huh, thank you. Yeah. But I think it's because because the energy that we put off is that we have such a cool connection that maybe they think we must be sisters to have that. So and we are soul sisters, we are soul sisters. So that that's a, you know, I in my world of you know full well that you are a high council member, right. And my best friend and as a high council member, which is my collection of people that I am Know, our the way I describe you guys is I know if I got a phone call at three o'clock in the morning and you said, any $10,000 or even more, and I need you, I would be there no questions asked. And then if you said I need to dig a hole, I'd be like, is this a good idea? But do you know what I mean? Like it's one of those unconditional, I am there for you. Period. And I'm conditional, I know you are there for me period. And God knows that that has mean meant for us three o'clock in the morning phone calls.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:35:36

It hasn't happened yet. Thank God, it's rare, but it has happened. Absolutely. And that's okay. It is a good thing.

Tanya Gill: 00:35:46

Because we survived. As we're closing this podcast, I'm just really grateful to be able to share you with the world. And I hope that when they watch this and hear this, that they can see how beautiful it is to be able to find a gorgeous friendship, and also to be able to recognize where we are as moms and daughters, and the privilege that we have in our lives, the privilege that our kids have in their lives and just awareness around what that means for us. You know, what I love? There's so many things I love about you, one of the things I love so deeply about you is that we have these conversations, because we love these people in our lives. And because we really value the awareness and the best way to step forward and be the best for ourselves and those we love.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:36:39

Well, and one of the things that wet that we provide for each other is sometimes perspective when we can lose perspective. So reminders about you know,

Tanya Gill: 00:37:00

I got perfect examples. I got the perfect example. So when John died, I call to actually there's two different times. So the first was actually when Alexander after Isaac was born. And I called you balling. And I was like, I just want to make muffins.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:37:20

Yeah, just remember that.

Tanya Gill: 00:37:22

I was losing my mind because I was like, I can't do this. Yeah, I cannot have a baby and have a three and a half year old and make muffins

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:37:30

and I was just happy that you were no longer demon possessed. Tammy was demon possessed through her pregnancy with Isaac. And it was literally the birth was like an exercise you call you call

Tanya Gill: 00:37:41

Isaac's birth the exorcism?

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:37:43

It was it was absolutely so

Tanya Gill: 00:37:46

just so we're clear. For those of you who might wonder if I was actually demon possessed. We also have a term called tight face. Yes, tight faces when you have your period or NP period or whatever. And like literally, your face feels like it's tight. Like your skin is tight on your face. Because you're so fucking bitchy. Yeah. And it was like tight face for the entire pregnancy for Yeah, from the moment I got pregnant until the time he like literally pushed that giant head on my body.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:38:14

And I walked into the room after and it was like,

Unknown: 00:38:18

No, do you really like your back?

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:38:21

Yeah. It was it was. It was amazing.

Tanya Gill: 00:38:25

Yeah, so that was why John didn't want any more children. Yeah. And as Isaac Isaac satisfy you did the size of Isaac's head as well. I didn't. But like literally, I those moments of me like the perspective was completely gone. It was completely gone. Right. And then the other one, interestingly enough, so that was cooking muffins. The other one, interestingly enough, was also related to food because I guess for me food insecurity, and for a lot of us food insecurity. But it also somehow defines us and I was terrified that my kids were going to live we're gonna grow up living on hotdog and K do that because I wouldn't be able to cook a regular meal anymore, because I didn't think I had it in me. Yeah. And like I called balling. And my kids are gonna grow up with a hot dog. I know you're laughing. You're laughing because you're like, Yeah, well, at least they're gonna be fucking fed. Yeah, right. But you again, I needed that perspective. I needed someone that I could actually say something that's simple, too. And as ludicrous as it sounds, you just arrived for me and you were like, You know what? And if they do, it might change over time. Throw some carrots in there, at least they're getting a vegetable, slice up some apple or you know, I'm bringing

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:39:46

those moments it feels like nothing will change. Like when we are in those moments, and whether it is, you know, in your 20s In your 30s, in your 40s, in your 50s.

Tanya Gill: 00:40:05

Your last breath? Yeah,

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:40:07

it feels like in those tough moments, that it will always be tough. But what my 53 years has taught me and my chronic illness perspective has taught me is that those moments are temporary. As, as hard as it is to see in those moments, they are temporary. And that, even if it if it's just a shift, it's a shift. Right? So, you know, there's a time that Alexander didn't want anything green, right? It's like,

Tanya Gill: 00:40:54

it's not that different than Yeah, that'll but yeah,

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:40:57

you know, that shifts as you get older, right as he gets got older. Like it just,

Tanya Gill: 00:41:04

I mean, how so many different examples of how those shifts are happening, and we kind of have to trust them. And that's partly why this podcast is called lighten up and unstuck. You're What the fuck is because we have WHAT THE FUCK moments? And I'll be honest, you've been a light in my life, you've helped me unstuck so many of my web Rockstar life. And and you have for me, right? And we've also learned so many lessons like that, WTF also means What's this for? Right? We've learned so much in the path. I'm grateful that you that's in China to crack. Now you have a Kleenex, but I do with it. I'm grateful you are in my life. And I'm grateful to be able to share you with our world. Because we are now in 14 countries across the world. So listeners, thank you for following us and listening. And tunes you have any like final piece of advice to anybody out there who's listening? Like, what would you if you were like, This is what I want the world to know.

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:42:05

God, there's just not put you on the spot or anything like

Tina Shingoose Fancy: 00:42:12

that these these tough spots that we find ourselves in are temporary. A lot of us have struggled to last three years. It has been a true mindfuck for a lot of people, but it is temporary. You know, we've seen a lot of ugly discourse, a lot of division. And it can be really difficult to find your way back from that, but that it is possible. We know that right? Intention and choice every fucking day. Absolutely intense. And you know what, there are some days that that intention is not there and that's okay. You have to be kind to yourself before you can be kind to others. And before you are ready to make the shift, and that's okay.

Tanya Gill: 00:43:08

Thank you my friend. Oh my god, you're such a gift to the world. You are such a gift to me and I'm so happy I get to share you. I'm so happy I get to share you. I love you so much and I love you. Oh