Defining Your Best Life With Christy Holt

Tanya Gill: 00:00:08

Hi friend, I'm Tanya Gill Welcome to lighten up and unstuck your What the fuck. Together we explore the ways through life's stickiness moments, and how to live with more peace, joy, love and gratitude. We're going to talk honestly about what isn't easy so you can discover the light within you that will carry you forward. My friend, this podcast is about you in real life, your body, mind and soul, and the opportunity to not only live your best, but shine, doing it

Tanya Gill: 00:00:46

Welcome to lighten up and unstuck your What the fuck my friends. I'm already sitting here laughing with my friend Christy Holt. Christie Holt is an incredible human who is all about creating your happy she has a podcast called Create your happy and she's a happiness coach. So you know we're gonna have fun. And God only knows where this conversation is gonna go.

Christy Holt: 00:01:12

We have no idea. We really it's gonna be fun. It's gonna be super fun and epic. I know. It's gonna be great. Yeah.

Tanya Gill: 00:01:19

So welcome, Christy. I'm so glad you're here, my friend.

Christy Holt: 00:01:22

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited. Like you said, we have no idea exactly where this conversation is going. And I actually think that's the most fucking magical best part of it all, is just that. It's just going to be real conversation, what's what's on our hearts, what's in our minds, what we feel is really important to share. And my message is one of powerful creation of all of those epic experiences that you want to have, whether that'd be happiness, peace, joy, success, abundance, whatever that is, I am completely and wholeheartedly cheering every one of these listeners on to go out there and create it for themselves. So really excited to see where we go here.

Tanya Gill: 00:02:06

I know, it's so awesome. That's what I love about you is we're so aligned in that we really want to see, in this case, our listeners, our viewers, our people, and then the world to live lighter and have more fun and really embrace all the little good things and the big things in life.

Christy Holt: 00:02:28

Yeah, and I mean, there's so much happiness to be found. And I think that there's a common misunderstanding. So let's just like rewind a second and explain how I view happiness, because I feel like people challenged me quite regularly. Well, I can't be happy all the time. And I would argue that yes, you can. But that also means that we need to take a little look see at what we're defining as happiness, right. And a lot of people really think that happiness is like an end result. It's an outcome. It's something that comes after you've had a good experience and then you're reflecting back on that and you're happy that you had that thing occur, but I call bullshit all of that every last bit of that you get to decide what happy is for you. You get to choose it in fact, and you get to you know, write that definition whatever that happiness is that success whatever that is that you want to create, in your experience. You get to fucking define it to so when when how powerful is that you get to define what the experience is going to look and feel like and then you get to create it for yourself. Huh? Yes, please.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:41

Actually I'll take 10 Can we or bulk order this shit because I want to sign us up. Does it smooth the skin too?

Christy Holt: 00:03:52

Yes. Absolutely.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:53

All the shit right?

Christy Holt: 00:03:55

All of the shit it takes care of all the shit.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:57

Let's be real about this. Christy lake you know what creating you're happy evolves and changes as life goes on. Because you know what, as I was saying that does it does come with a skin firming formula. I don't know if you saw my posts, but one of the questions I had was about Botox. I'm like, Okay, who out there has Botox. Let's be straight about this. Do you have Botox? I've heard all the knees. I want to hear some of the yeas yeah, there's a lot of compliments about how I don't need Botox and all the things which is lovely and kind and I'm good, but I might also want to know like, what are the advantages? I mean, I know I have the elevens I know I call these my cornrows. Like you could plant corn and we grow in there. But I also know that they're the result of a very expressive as you can see as I lift my eyebrows a very expressive face. Right? That doesn't mean that I can't create my own happy though by deciding to try Botox. It's my life. Yeah,

Christy Holt: 00:04:57

right. Ultimately, we're all just here. You're and I really think that our ultimate purpose is to create the experience that we want here that is, that's it, it is as simple as that. And so if you want to create a more youthful experience, there are a multitude of ways that you can do that. A lot of it starts inside, right. And in falling in love with yourself and, you know, being unapologetic about who you are and, and, you know, let's be real about the Botox and everything else. I mean, to each their own, I obviously I don't have any opinions one way or another. I haven't had it. So I don't have any first hand experience. And I don't, I don't really, I don't know, maybe it's for me, maybe it's not, I don't know, I have really haven't looked into it. But what I do know is that we are much more than this

Tanya Gill: 00:05:48

meat suit. So much more than the fucking meat suit so much more than the fucking meat suit.

Christy Holt: 00:05:54

And so what got some? I don't know, maybe zoom is doing a pretty good job at sort of blending my life. See? It's just part of life, right? And if we didn't have so much time laughing Sure. These these lines here might not be so deep. But what but what of it? I'd rather have that amazing experience and all of that laughter than have a so called perfect airbrushed face.

Tanya Gill: 00:06:22

Oh, totally. And you know, and that's the funny thing about it, right? Like, I'm kind of curious about it. But I but it's one of those things, I'll be honest, the reason I'm considering it as I had it once before, and I felt like my face was frozen. It was a gift certificate that I got. And I felt like my eyebrows were like living on my eyelids. So I'm like, do I want that experience? Again? I don't think so. But I also again, one of the things that I do is when there are silent auctions, I'm one of those people who goes around and bids and bids and bids to get the prices up on things because it's all for a good cause. Yeah, so those cheap bastards that go to those silent auctions hate me. Anyway, I ended up landing with the Botox gift certificate. So now I have this $300 certificate, and I'm like, What the hell, I might as well go for it again. But I don't want to look like my face has been iron hand. And the other thing that's so fucking awesome about it is is that the decision isn't coming from a place of insecurity or secrecy, or it's like, kind of from a place of curiosity and awareness, you know, like, I might be able to look back at these pictures and be like, oh, yeah, that's the time I froze my face for the second time. Right you.

Christy Holt: 00:07:45

I mean, ultimately, the more curious we can be, the more we can approach, you know, this experience called Life with wonder, and that, you know, that open curiosity. Man, the more the more there is to experience, the more there is to grow and explore and learn all so much adventure exists. And it's often just sort of outside our comfort and familiar zone where we like to hang out because safe and it's warm there. And we're provided for. And so anything outside of that can be a little bit scary or daunting or feel feel a little unsafe and uncomfortable. But man, there is so much if we are just a little bit curious and open to what lies outside of you know that certainty. The truth is, is endless possibility. That's what lies outside of that.

Tanya Gill: 00:08:37

And you know, what's so amazing about that is, as you were saying that, you know, that endless possibility, just on the other side of that discomfort. You know, people, people sometimes use that analogy of like a rope, right, and you can kick it in either direction, depending on how expansive you're open to being right. And this is the other piece of it. And it doesn't have to be monumental. You don't have to pick up the rope and throw it, you can just kick it a little bit at a time. Right? So it's just those tiny baby steps that create the expensiveness over and over and over again.

Christy Holt: 00:09:18

Yeah, and I think ultimately, you know, the first step is sort of coming home to yourself, if you will, or stripping away what you know, isn't working for you, getting to that space of feeling, you know, regulated, happy, creating that experience that you want, and then powerfully using that to create an abundance of those things. And I think, you know, it all starts with a relationship with ourself right. And I know it's not as simple as we're making it sound like it is and I know if anyone's listening they might be thinking a big ol fuck you. It's not that easy for me. You're not in my life. You're not saying Anning in my shoes. And you're right, we're fucking not. But we are also here living our stuff, living our experiences, we've gone through struggles, no doubt about it. We've had challenging times, you know, we've had probably more than a fair share. I mean, what's fair anyways, but more than a fair share of grief and loss and struggle and heartbreak and all of these things. We're all human. We're not broken, we're actually whole humans, we're just not recognizing all of that wholeness. And sometimes, we can get really stuck in those those icky messy middle bits, where the challenges seem insurmountable. When we don't have the belief in ourself, or the trust that, you know, we need to get outside of that and grow and expand and create new experiences. Because frankly, our brains are wired in such a way so fucking convenient. I know. They are wired in a way to keep us safe and protected running on efficiency mode autopilot, right, also wired to be an asshole. Yeah, total asshole. Like, only an asshole would keep you stuck on autopilot repeating day after day after day, literally 95% of the same thoughts as yesterday. Later, what kind of asshole reuse

Tanya Gill: 00:11:22

that even yours half the time, right.

Christy Holt: 00:11:25

So it's so easy. And so I know if you're listening and thinking, Oh, well, it's easier said than done. Sister, if I can agree with you, it is easier said than done. However, that doesn't make it impossible. And with a little bit of intention, you can get out of that space where a lot of kind of life shit just keeps happening to you. struggles and challenges and hurt, just keep coming your way. You can't seem to get a lucky break. You know, you're overwhelmed and you're anxious. And you're waiting for I don't know what the fuck, but like, anything, anyone something outside of you to change, for you to be happy. Or for you to be peaceful for you to have that success you want. And it's all bullshit. It's all an illusion. None of it is outside of you. It is all all in here.

Tanya Gill: 00:12:17

All inside. But you know what? Like, that that whole peace of being inside. Like that is that really is the vibe. Like, you know, like we talk about vibration. And like, I'm everything's energy, you can't deny it. Everything's energy, guys, cell phone here, energy, your science, energy. It's science, right? Hello science. And because everything is energy, we also are vibrating either low, or high. And what you're describing is things that we individually personally can choose to do to vibrate ourselves at a higher level. And you and I both know that shit is so contagious.

Christy Holt: 00:13:07

It's magical. It's magical.

Tanya Gill: 00:13:09

It's like fairy dust.

Christy Holt: 00:13:12

Yeah, it's woowoo. But also science, which I love the need to like, intermingling of the spiritual and the science because I think that the whole world is out to be divisive about it. And to prove that this can't be true if this, but the truth is, is that it's all fucking true. And it's all coming together. And I think it's so fascinating, you know, if you do any research on and I know you and I nerd out about this stuff, like neuroscience, quantum physics, epigenetics, like, that shit is mind blowing. And we don't have time to get into that today. But that shit will literally just It's crazy how the energetic the science behind it, how we frequent that, like how our frequencies are, how we vibrate and attract things to us. It feels super woowoo but it's not

Tanya Gill: 00:14:04

and, and even the energy in our own bodies, like I just jumped in, and I'm now being trained in EFT. And again, tapping, like, like tapping is the movement of that energy. Right? And what's so cool is like, as I'm learning about this, it's of course associated with acupuncture. But did you know that in the Chinese language, there actually isn't a word for acupuncture? Like it loosely translates to a whole a whole flow like w h o l e, like the the flow of wholeness? Yeah. So you know, like it's so interesting, like energy within energy without what's happening inside how we radiate it and, and what I love about you, Chrissy is that you and I are both so committed to the importance of what's happening in the outside world actually being aligned and authentic to what's on the inside world.

Christy Holt: 00:15:08

Yeah. And you know, it wasn't always that way. For me. I came from I don't know, like, I'll just lay it all out there. I've been divorced twice, I've been through some things. My my first husband, God loved him. He, he, once he turned out to be gay, he was obviously gay to start with, but he wasn't honest with himself until such point that we were already married. And that realization obviously, kind of hit with a blow. I didn't quite know where to go. myself after that. I didn't really take it personally, I knew it wasn't anything to do with me. But you know, it's hard not to take things like that, personally, it's pretty easy to feel like things are against you or that, you know, I don't know, I've definitely known a lot of people who feel like the world is conspiring against them. However, onward and upward. I, you know, from there, I ended up getting remarried. Didn't go that rate the second time either, if I'm really honest, I guess I'd like you're learning a lot of lessons in this lifetime. But you know what, that's okay. Because all of those things that we would consider a mistake are really just opportunities for growth. And the truth is, the way you perceive them, changes the way they impact your entire reality. So what I mean by that is, if I looked at that as like, Oh, I'm just a big fuckup, who can't stay in a marriage, I could have a pity party, I could stay there, I could probably still be single and alone, wallowing in my own self pity, if I allowed myself to, especially after the second time, right, when make consistent mistakes, if you will, quote, unquote, mistakes, because I actually don't think we truly make any mistakes, we just learn and grow. But the second relationship was also a real challenge for me. And it taught me a lot of actually very different things that I needed. And actually, you know, the irony of the thing is, is all of these lessons sort of accumulate, they become part of who we are, and part of our voice, our story. And our story is how we create impact in other people's lives, right, how we relate to them, how we can show them through that lived experience, perhaps a different better way. And so having gone through, not just one, but two marriages that didn't work out. The second one was a much more challenging decision for me, because I definitely was not content, I felt there was something that was maybe more available for me more happiness, more love, more deeper connection, more communication. And it just wasn't quite hitting the mark, it was sort of like, I had a growth mindset. And he wasn't on the same sort of growth pattern as me. So as it kind of went along. I kept chugging along on my choo choo train going a lot farther from the station, where he was kind of hanging out. And so at some point, and I'll be honest, the turning point was me falling completely and deeply, madly in love with me, and deciding I'm worth more, and that I deserve to, in fact, be loved and treated the way that somehow and I can't even explain it because I just felt like in my heart like a knowing it wasn't like I logic, my way to how I wanted to be held and how I wanted to be seen how I wanted to be cared for, didn't logic my way into that. I just knew inside that. Ultimately, what I was experiencing was not quite the experience that I wanted. And so I sat there for a while if I'm honest, and I felt a little bit sorry for myself. And I sat in indecision, analysis paralysis, oh my gosh, what what are all of the possibilities? I am a former overthinker and I am sure I went through all the possibilities of what can happen under any possible scenario. I don't know if anybody else relating to that over thinkers will night

Tanya Gill: 00:19:20

you know what that Christie like, holy crap, like, okay, let's let's be real about this. You had already ended one marriage, you were in another, you were recognizing that it wasn't what you knew you needed. You didn't feel fulfilled. And that has to be so scary. I think a lot of our listeners will probably be able to relate to that experience, whether they've been in it in the past or they're in it now. And no, and it's so important to be able to honor that space because that is a space where slowing down and insight and understanding starts to build momentum in the way that is meant.

Christy Holt: 00:20:03

Yeah. And you know, it's not how man like, I just have so many thoughts to share on this. But it's not easy. And especially when you have kids in the mix, especially as a mother, you just, you hate to be the one who breaks up your home, right? You don't want to be the fucking homewrecker. And not even that. It's that. But that's the kind of thinking that goes through your mind. Right? When you are looking at this. If I go, am I just being a selfish asshole who's putting herself first? It's not that bouncer? The answer is probably not. Right. It's complicated. I also think too, like, in my, in my experience, there's, there's a lot of stigma around divorce. If you're a Christian and I, I would say I have like some sort of church traumas around that. And it's not, I'm not pointing fingers or blaming. It's like religion as a whole has created this idea that divorce is wrong and bad. And the truth when I look at it is that I don't think that the registry office existed in the days of Adam and Eve. So I don't think they had a piece of paper to say that their union was sacred. So how come in today's society divorce is such a terrible thing, I cannot get on board with any version of God that actually condemns His creation, if you want to put it in those kinds of words, to a life of suffering, and hell here on Earth, I just don't fucking buy it. I can only I can only buy into a God who is unconditionally loving and accepting. And that means there is no wrong. There is no right. There just is we just are We are just having a human experience. So I went on off a couple tangents there, I think. But

Tanya Gill: 00:21:57

what though, Chris? I love it. I love it. I completely agree with you. Right? God, whoever your God is love. And at the end of the day, you are born to die. So those years, we don't know when they are ending. So it's our opportunity to make them as juicy to make them as happy to make them rich to make them as fucking adventurous and orgasmic, and orgasmic. I was taller than that. Oh, my God, and as possible,

Christy Holt: 00:22:33

just Yeah, yeah, we gotta stop cock blocking ourselves from living and experiencing all of those things. Now, I really think that it's very interesting because we have language so that we can communicate and understand. But the truth is, nothing is really good or bad until we attach that label to it, right. So if we can release that judgment and let go of the need for, I guess, for duality in everything, we can experience a whole lot more of just being ourselves, being that love that we ultimately are, you know, the universal energy, God universe source, however you want to label it, it, it makes no matter to me, how people want to, you know, conceptualize that in their mind. But the truth is, we are all connected, we're all part of this universal energy and, you know, what we give to others, we give to ourselves, what we withhold from others, we withhold from ourselves, we're all one. So if we can get on board with seeing how very connected we are, and, and get back to connecting to ourselves. Again, if you believe in God or a higher power, you can you can claim that power, you are in fact, the universe experiencing whatever small bits of this world you are experiencing. So that's powerful.

Tanya Gill: 00:23:57

And you are but a speck of dust in the universe. But you are the most important speck of dust. Yeah. Right. Like, I like to think of that sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I'm like, I'm a speck of dust and everything seems so real and so concrete and so big and so overwhelming. And then I'm like, Well, I'm just gonna do my spec of the stuff and make it really fucking good.

Christy Holt: 00:24:23

Yeah, just make it fun, have all the most pleasurable and adventurous and exciting and happy and positive experiences? I mean, again, all all define done, what that is for you, right? Because there is no one definition of that. There's no, this is the true way to be happy. That's a personal journey. That's you discovering. How do you express that love that you are? How do you experience that? How do you experience relationship? How do you experience the world? And you got to change that if you don't like the way you're experiencing it. That's super cool, you can change that.

Tanya Gill: 00:25:02

And what is so beautiful is that the world is full of people who experience pleasure and joy and, and great excitement from experiences that are completely different from us yet, for example, my cleaning lady, she's called sparkle which, by the way, sparkle bitch loves to clean. But I don't want to take that away from her. No, you don't need her joy. I am happy to pay her for her joy. And that opens time space opportunity for me to focus my joy on something that brings me joy.

Christy Holt: 00:25:39

Right I think the same thing to you and I am so grateful for the world being as honestly precious magnificent and and really unique as it is that some other moms like doing all of that PTA stuff, and that they've got this and that I don't have to I am so grateful that people love to do the things that I love to do. And cleaning is absolutely on that list for me to not offend. Some people really get a lot of satisfaction about like, you know, vacuum sucking up massive amounts of sand and stuff. Just doesn't cut it for me. I just so you're right, who are we to take that from someone else who really, really could just like, collect all of that joy.

Tanya Gill: 00:26:24

Right? And the best part is okay, so this is the best part Christy because all of that joy, like this moment, right now, I just need to say like, This, for me is such a joyful moment. I am having so much fun chatting with you. And just like letting conversation flow and having good conversation with a friend. And being able to share this with our audience and you know, in and inspire them right to lighten up and unstuck. They're What the fuck? Yeah. But like, some of our listeners, the thought for them of actually doing something like this is probably like, for some it would be like, I would rather like razor blades. Right? Do you know what I mean? Like, no, thank you. But like, but this for me, this fills my bucket this lights me up? This is this is joy. Yeah, it's fine. You're happy, right? That's right. Creating, you're happy? Not somebody else's?

Christy Holt: 00:27:24

Yeah, so redefining what that might look like for you instead of all the bullshit, all the shitting on yourself the following society's expectations, you know, breaking out of the mold, finding what it is that actually feels good, you know, in your, in your heart and your soul and your entire being whatever that is, like I say, for me, it's more of an experience of knowing, oh, this is this is the shit. Right? And I'm with you. I love conversations. That's why we have podcasts, because that so lights us up to have those conversations I love, like, asking those meaty questions and really like deep diving, and, you know, I don't know, taking a closer look at the systems that were that were operating and like, where did that come from? Is that working? Is there maybe a different or better way? What's the solution? How can we move past that and come into something new, there's so much available if we are curious and open and willing to receive an experience more? Right? And I know that you know, sometimes when you're in the thick of it doesn't feel like any of that's possible. So, you know, what I typically like to help my clients do first is sort of just come back to themselves right? It's it's a bit of a mixed depending on where exactly, you know, your what kind of level you're functioning on, but so many people are living in survival mode. And if we're honest, the last couple of years have been tough for everybody. It's been a lot of uncertainty, so much unknown. A lot of really conflicting and confusing information that's been used to divide people into two separate sides. When the truth is, we are all one we are all part of the same, the same humanity so trying to divide us and separate us and create an us versus them. It is doing the job that the systems were intended to do which is to create us because we are not nearly as strong when we are separate. Right? So we are survival mode. Our brains are functioning in asshole mode to keep us safe and protected from anything unfamiliar. So we can keep repeating those same scripts and it was is couple days even into feeling sorry for yourself. Repeating thought patterns, repeating stories, attaching all that meaning to what you've experienced, can really get you kind of stuck in a rut. Really get use to act in a space where you don't see another way, this just is the way and you don't see another fucking possibility. And it's so easy to get stuck there. So if you're stuck there, I just I, I totally have been there. I feel you, I get it. And I know how impossible it can really feel to break out of that. But I want to encourage you today that it's completely possible. You are the one you're the one in charge. And you know, you are so lovable, you are so loved and you are so worthy of having all of those experiences that you want to create. So you know, stop cock blocking yourself, get out of your own damn way, because no one else is going to come and do it for you. And you don't need a safe state like Savior outside of yourself. You don't need anyone else. You just need to do it for yourself and just fall madly fucking in love with yourself. And everything shifts.

Tanya Gill: 00:30:55

While it's not about being the knight in shining armor for yourself. No, but realizing that you can have your military boots on underneath your fucking princess dress and making shit happen.

Christy Holt: 00:31:08

You be whoever you want to be you agree, whatever experience you want to create. It's pretty, it's pretty amazing. It's it's actually like, sounds really simple. And it kind of is really simple once you come down to it. But when you're on the outside looking in, you're like, I don't know how to fucking do that.

Tanya Gill: 00:31:27

Or I don't have time. Well, I

Christy Holt: 00:31:30

don't have time. We can't we don't have time for a time, time conversation. But you know, because we just showed up in our podcast Tyent science has shown us the time is is merely a construct. So we don't have time to deconstruct the construct today. But if you are too busy all the time, just remind yourself that time is really just a construct to keep us functioning in these patterns.

Tanya Gill: 00:31:55

I also remind I also like to remind listeners too, that it's very important to understand that once we get really clear on our values, and once we are able to figure out what our priorities in life are and why it's amazing how easy it is to let go of things that fill our time, either mindlessly, or because it's a habit, or because we feel for some reason like we have this obligation to, for example PTA, or sit on this board or do this thing, when sometimes it's it's about recognizing that when we hold that space, we're also withholding another person from having that opportunity. Yeah.

Christy Holt: 00:32:40

And that's a whole bunch of shitting all over ourselves, right? I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be doing that. And we can actually free up quite a pretty significant amount of time and space and energy. If we just stop shitting on ourselves.

Tanya Gill: 00:32:53

All right, just stop shitting all over yourself.

Christy Holt: 00:32:56

Yeah, I have a podcast episode about that coming out. Yeah.

Tanya Gill: 00:33:01

Oh my god, that's so awesome. I can't wait to hear it. I cannot hear. And for our listeners, again. Christy's podcast is called Create your happy. And she is so fun. And you're on all the platforms,

Christy Holt: 00:33:16

pretty much, pretty much wherever you listen to your podcasts should be able to find me full video on YouTube as well. So yeah, it's out there. It's out and about. And yeah, like I love conversations about all the different things. So, you know, my show today is a lot of different stories. It's really about stories of women overcoming in life, relationship and business. Because it's through those stories, we find our voice and we can use our voice we can actually make a difference in the world. And I think truly that first step to changing the world is starting with ourselves learning to love and accept ourself wholeheartedly, radically, even unapologetically, just being ourselves now, I don't mean like you get to just go be an asshole and like No, no fucks given not that at all. But owning that your fox select Fox lecture Fox k, right? Like be be authentically you be whoever you want yourself to show up as experiencing the world the way you want to experience it. Just be that and you don't need to apologize for not being good enough at something. We're not all good at all the same things. How boring would it be if we were all just carbon copies of the same? Boring so we got to stop apologizing for you know, our so called weaknesses because actually I think a lot of times we've been told their weaknesses and they're actually secret superpower strengths but like total tangent in the past, a whole nother show. But owning that like you know what? I might be a little squirrel brain sometimes and I do Definitely can drop a conversation in the middle of a sentence and not know where the fuck I left it. So maybe that makes me interesting. Instead of, you know how else maybe I would be described as like, I don't know, not paying attention or distractable or something like that. Maybe it's just that I know where the conversation needs to go. So some reframes, I don't know sometimes those perceived weaknesses are just things that are about us. They're just part of the experience. And again, until you put that attachment, that meaning of good or bad or otherwise, just as

Tanya Gill: 00:35:38

well, and you know, cuz you were you were talking about about, you know, being unapologetic. I was thinking, Oh, my God, it is incredible to me. And I know Canadians are notorious for this. And we are both Canadians. So Canadians are notorious for apologizing all the time. We're very apologetic. We're super apologetic, like, you know, we say we're sorry, when like, when we're in a room by ourselves. Sometimes it's that bad,

Christy Holt: 00:36:07

like, apologize to the table for bumping it like, oh, sorry, sorry.

Tanya Gill: 00:36:11

Yep, it's true. It's true. Or some will be like, Oh, I have a headache. Can you be like, Oh, I'm sorry. You know, and we are tremendously apologetic. Yeah, I know that part of that comes from a space of wanting to attend to someone else. However, when we continue to be apologetic, it can start to send a message to our subconscious, that we're actually apologizing for being who we are. Not just the experience that is. And I just really feel strongly that, you know, when we are in that apology space, it's so important to potentially reframe that as well. So Oh, you forgot to take out the garbage instead of I'm so sorry. Thank you for reminding me. Right,

Christy Holt: 00:37:06

replace it, flip it. Let's turn it into gratitude. Yeah. And show appreciation for the experience. Right?

Tanya Gill: 00:37:16

Exactly. Again, like even if you're even if you're late for a meeting, right? instead of rushing into being like, I'm so sorry, I'm late.

Christy Holt: 00:37:24

Thank you for waiting.

Tanya Gill: 00:37:26

Thank you for waiting. I'm so happy to be here. Let's get started.

Christy Holt: 00:37:30

And when you shift that perspective, you change, you actually alter the reality of the situation. Right. And

Tanya Gill: 00:37:39

five, it goes from I'm so sorry to thank you. Yeah. All right. So you get to shift the energy of everything to

Christy Holt: 00:37:49

Yeah, yeah. And it's pretty amazing. I think, you know, having, having been sort of on both ends of the spectrum really allows, you know, to have come from a space of suffering, challenges, bit of a victim mentality, and then leaping out of that into, you know, success, again, by my definition, happiness, my definition, my best life, my fucking definition, right, and becoming victorious, as opposed to being stuck in that sort of victim mentality. It's thriving, versus surviving. And so coming from where I came, it really gives me a perspective. And you know, I'm really have such a heart to help people who are sort of stuck in that indecision. I know how hard it is to be surrounded with uncertainty and not knowing what the best choice to make is, you know, you're trying to balance your finances, your life, your job, your kids, your x, your, your current partner, whatever you've got going on. It's it's can be a challenge. But the truth is, you get to create the experience you want. And when you realize how badass that is, and how powerful that makes you. It changes everything because you don't need to stay in that indecision. You just need to maybe sometimes pull up your big girl panties, and work through a bit of that discomfort. And it's not to like bypass it or put it aside or, you know, ignore your feelings or anything like that. It's just to actually embrace them to look at them and be like, Okay, I'm seeing I'm observing. I'm observing these thoughts that I'm having. I'm observing the emotions that I'm experiencing. And I'm choosing which ones I'm going to take on board and which ones I'm going to toss to the curb because they're no longer serving me. And I know from experience, this is easier said than done, but it's possible and you can slowly swap goes out and completely transform your life in probably a lot less time than you even think.

Tanya Gill: 00:40:06

You know, I gotta tell you one of the things that I, one of the things that I suggested with one of my clients, she was a worrier. And she constantly was worrying. So I said, Okay, start worrying journal, and make a list every time you catch yourself worrying, write down on this and then book a time for yourself where you can just sit and you can sit in your worries for as long as you want. Like, oh, my fucking gross, right? It is, it is the definition of gross, but that's what we do. Totally. But, and it is, it's like, if you want to do it, then like set a time and like, like, just go hard. Go hard, have a good time you go sit in your dirty diaper, and see if that's really the right. But the exercise of doing that really shines light on how much time energy, whatever, because after she made the list, when she went back and had to go and sit, she was like, Well, I'm not really worried about those things anymore. Like, whatever, whatever, right? So the process of that is part of that release of it. Which is so incredibly powerful. Because otherwise we can get like our panties in a perfect not worrying, worrying, worrying and living in the future instead of living in the present. But this Christy because, you know, we talk about people shifting to choose, they're happy. But it's okay. If you need to sit in your dirty diaper, and just have a hard day.

Christy Holt: 00:41:43

You know, I really think and I think this is why people like to challenge the concept of creating, you're happy or being an endlessly happy because I really truly believe that you can be yes, you're going to have life shift. That's the way life goes. Now, the beautiful thing is that we are beautifully complex, magnificent human beings who can actually hold more than one emotion. And more than one thought. I know, I know this is right. So you can

Tanya Gill: 00:42:16

guess Hi, that proves? Yes, yes,

Christy Holt: 00:42:21

there is. So you can Yes, be grieving, and still be appreciative. The emotions that we have are not one or the other. They are complex. They're on a spectrum. Nothing is absolute at one end or another. And we are not confined to one at a time. We are a whole bunch of and all the time. Absolutely happy and stressed out. Why not? Absolutely. Well,

Tanya Gill: 00:42:55

I'll give you a perfect example. My kids 19th birthday was last week. And I was so happy, proud, excited, elated, joyful, to be able to celebrate him. However, there was an absence in our family that's being felt. And so at the exact same time, I felt disappointed and hurt. And really, truly heartbroken. Yeah, so you know, I'm holding all these super joyful things, and also these really super heavy things at the exact same time. And it's not only possible, but it really is about being aware that they can coexist. Yeah. And that that can be choosing you're happy in that moment. Yeah.

Christy Holt: 00:43:47

So I mean, ultimately, we, we can decide which where we want to focus our energy, right? Because that's what we have, we have energy in the present moment, that is all we are guaranteed right now. So where we want to focus on energy, you know, we're masterfully complex. So you know, we can we can put that wherever, wherever we want. But, you know, there's magic and being able to just observe those things without attaching all that extra meaning. And then just choosing to go forward and create more of the experiences that you're that you're wanting to have. Right. And so one example that I wanted to share too, is just how quickly things can shift when you really kind of get it and get the capacity that you have. And this is after I left my second marriage, I had decided that I absolutely was not interested in having another man in my life. I wanted some companionship. I did actually have through working with a therapist and a coach. A very clear list, a manifestation list. if you will, because it was actually how it really turned out, like secret jumping head to the end. But a clear definition of what it was that I wanted in a relationship. Now I made this list in the height of my marital conflict, and I'm not I'm not gonna lie to you, the list came about by me saying, I don't fucking want this. And I no longer like this. And I'm no longer available for this. And there was some shifting some flipping those things around to create the picture of what it was I did want. So sometimes that can be a helpful tool is just getting really freakin pissed off about what you don't want. And then having having that flipped around so that you can get a clearer picture of, well, if it's not that then what what is it? How does that look? How does it feel? What experience will it create for you. And that's the list that I had. And so of course, I was not looking for any of that. And again, I'm just gonna jump in Christy

Tanya Gill: 00:45:55

because vibrationally what you don't want to slow and what you do want is high. So let's keep going my love, what happens, what did you do?

Christy Holt: 00:46:07

Well, I definitely found my, my human, my person. And I was not looking, in fact, when we first met, I very clearly told him, I was only looking to make friends and have some experiences that I was not looking for a committed relationship of any type, because I had just gotten out of one. And I had done all of this work, right? To learn to love and accept myself to the point where I didn't need someone else. I knew what my boundaries were, and I wasn't letting anybody cross those boundaries. Like they were like, you know, very clear boundaries, but with a very willing and open door, you know, to show the way of how I would allow myself to be treated. And so it was like a not impermeable, like many people put up a massive wall, and we'll never let anybody experience and again, when I get that, because putting your heart on the line is fucking vulnerable. It's scary. God and if you've been hurt, you just, you will want to do anything at all costs to avoid being hurt again. And so I totally understand that. But in that vulnerability, if you can just find that courage from deep within, to put yourself out on the line, what I really truly discovered was when I got to the space that I love myself, and I didn't need someone else. The love that I received from other people, because I was being me and again at the frequency, but also just my own knowing who the fuck I am. literally changed everything. And it gave me the opportunity that I would have never had had I closed myself off, played it safe and didn't put myself out there. Because, you know, in my other marriage, I was wearing all kinds of masks. I was people pleasing. I was trying to be perfect. I was trying to be the good wife, I was trying to do what I thought I needed to do. And then at one point, I just fucking threw that off. I was like no more of this. That is the end of me sacrificing everything for everyone else. And I absolutely shifted everything called in this amazing human. He is absolutely my best friend, my person. I don't know, like if soulmates is a thing, definitely whatever the hell that means. I don't know. All I know is that it feels like we've known each other for 1000s of years. And that is absolutely perfect for me. Perfectly Imperfect. But perfect for me, right? It has given me the chance to create all about happiness, to fulfill all of those relationship experiences that I wanted to experience and to feel truly loved. Actually the closest I think I have ever been to experiencing a love like I would envision God's love to be that unconditional, completely accepting. Totally just being myself. And that's okay. And that kind of love. It just literally hits different than any other kind of love.

Tanya Gill: 00:49:25

When we have that opportunity to be so deeply 100% authentic with that other person. I so much of what you said Christie just totally resonated with my heart because I told I understand that you're speaking my language girl that's how I feel about my second soulmate. I actually refer to Peter as my second soulmate. Knowing that connection is out there makes you realize or has made me realize that at all of the dating foibles that I went through because I like I mean, I did 1213 years of ya. Oh, and when I say Yuck, what I'm going to say is lessons learned. Yeah, of course, insights, growth. And in that time, I was crafting my letter to the universe around what I knew I deserved and what I knew I had to give. And I said in my letter, when the right person when the right man comes along, that loves us, as much as we love him, and deserves us as much as we deserve him, we will then be a family. Yeah, and that is exactly it. But it's impossible to describe that.

Tanya Gill: 00:50:45

However, it is possible to know when it's absent, and that's the knowing that you were talking about in your marriage.

Christy Holt: 00:50:53

Yeah. Just knowing that. Like, I really do remember thinking at that time, that there was gonna be something more than this. And I felt like, you know, I don't know, whether it was just me being delusional, or, you know, inner inner wisdom, or the voice of God or whatever. But there was just something within me that knew there was something better, something more, something more right for me. And it's not the same for everyone. It's definitely not, but something just felt missing for me. And I knew there was just something else for me to experience something different. And honestly, yeah, I don't know there. I think that we really get stuck sometimes in relationships that are fine. If they're not the one, we may have been wearing masks when we went in, and we can actually be ourselves. I know, that's a big one for me. Once you go in with that mask, and you are pretending to be someone else, fucking pressure to uphold whatever bullshit image you went in with, can eat you alive. The pressure to people please, other people to think that you can mistakenly think that you can make them happy that you can fix them and empaths here, just oh my god, we just want to fucking go out there and like, love everyone to become their whole selves. And not everyone fucking wants that. Not everyone is ready to do that. Not everyone wants to create that experience for themselves. And that's okay. So if you're listening, you're like, I don't even want to be happy, cool. Create whatever experience you want for yourself, whatever that looks like,

Tanya Gill: 00:52:43

I guess whatever possibility if you want to create being announced, so what's still gonna make you happy? If that is your definition of happy, right, like,

Christy Holt: 00:52:52

that's the point you must be the kicker, right? Yeah. So again, you're creating whatever whatever experience you want, right? But if you're like, I don't like the word happy. That's okay. Go and create an experience of peace, then go and create an experience of wonder, right? There are lots of different kinds of experiences we can create. I chose to like brand myself as the happiness coach, because I think that most people genuinely want to experience more happiness and more, more goodness in their life. And I think that the more we experience what feels really good to us, the more we take care of ourselves. And then the more abundance we build of those good feelings, peace, love, joy, happiness, bliss, orgasm, whatever it is, and out of that abundance, then we can give that so much more freely to other people.

Tanya Gill: 00:53:48

It's, it's so funny, I joke that it's the way to world peace. It kind of is, right? Well, yeah, you and it's the end it is the flow of light, and the extension of light from you out to others out to others out to others out to others. Holy crap, Christy, we could like we could talk for hours, but I really feel like this is such a gorgeous place to end our conversation today. Yeah, I'm super excited to be on your podcast soon. We're gonna be able to do a little podcast trade. So who knows what we'll be talking about that day. Anyway,

Christy Holt: 00:54:26

I feel like sex is a great topic. Let's talk about sex for sure.

Tanya Gill: 00:54:30

Let's talk about sex. Maybe I'll even bring up my vulva puppet for another episode. Anyway, this has been magnificent, my friends. I hope you've loved our time with Christy Holt as much as I have. She's such an awesome human. All her information will be in the show notes. Make sure you check out her podcast create your happy with Christy Holt. Thank you my friend.

Christy Holt: 00:54:56

Thank you so much for having me. It's been a blast.

Tanya Gill: 00:54:59

It really has friends thank you again for listening to lighten up and unstuck you're What the fuck you can spend your time anywhere that you chose to spend it with Christina makes my heart so happy for my heart to yours