Disability vs. Superpower with Misty Kerrigan

Tanya Gill: 00:00:00

Welcome friends. Oh my god, I'm so glad that you're here. Missy and I've already been having the most incredible conversation. And Misty is, I It's funny because I actually have you in my contacts. It's mystical Misty.

Tanya Gill: 00:00:15

Because you really are kind of a beautiful blending of so much gorgeous energy and education and insight and experience. And having the opportunity to meet with you and chat with you and introduce you to our audience is super cool. I really don't even know how to describe you. So your elevator pitch Misty, like how do you describe yourself?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:00:44

I love that just depending on the the the events and one I don't know about you, but I I can hate networking events, because I'm like, I'm getting married for a reason. We've walking around having a beer like what do you do? What do you do? Like it's so impersonal and dumb. So sometimes I don't have elevator pitches, because I'm just getting into the moment and get excited about other people. So I love to say that I am proud ADHD. Because I really maybe we could call right I want to have a book where you're talking about disorders but their superpowers not disorder. Oh. And because ADHD is a superpower if I utilize it just like a Kryptonite of it. But I was people when I work with others, I do business psychology. I like talking over beer, coffee, just sitting down and having great conversations with people and inspiring them to reconnect to their purpose and passion, and then helping them monetize it. But the funny part was last week, I was in a conference I was telling you about and one lady's like, Oh, my mom had anxiety, I have anxiety. My daughter has anxiety. And I was like, well, like it sounds like each of you are giving each other the gift. But what it really is is you think deep, deep, deep, what is the superpower thinking that deep, and just really my Superman. But really, when I because I've been 21 years at a nonprofit for at risk youth mental health was I think we do a disservice when we tell someone like oh, you've had this since birth. And here's all the defects of it. Instead of your brain works in a crazy super way we have to harness it. And so that's what I'm able to do with help others is help them use their superpowers, whether it's anxiety, ADHD, what are the are the Oh, my favorite that just kind of hit last year was the imposter syndrome.

Tanya Gill: 00:02:32

Oh, that's a good one. Right?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:02:35

So I go all day with that one, right? Like, well, like, what what are you really?

Tanya Gill: 00:02:38

So okay, but this is exciting to me, because I really think that we should have a conversation about superpowers right here right now. Because in, okay, I'm a registered social worker. And I use I used to be employed with children's services. And so in that helping realm, there are a lot of labels. And the truth is, labels are a double edged sword. Because the beautiful thing about a diagnosis and a label is it usually means a way towards support and funding. Right? So potential help. Right? So the label comes with the gift of potential help and insight and understanding. Right? So people are often very grateful if parents for example, when they're, they understand that their child is autistic, it feels like they've got an explanation. Yes, the other edge of the sword is that it means that life for that person may not look typical, which is kind of funny, because to what the fuck is typical the game anyway, what is typical, but I love that we live in a day and age and in a world that is starting to recognize that, that there are gifts that come with some of these labels, if you will, and that you describe them as superpowers is so beautiful. You know, I'm I have worked with a lot of clients that have been affected by prenatal alcohol exposure. And a label that can be very, very hard on people is FASD. Right? ADHD a little more acceptable. FASD means you are exposed to alcohol before you were born. And I get to judge you for that. Right because a lot of people with FASD are judged for what their mother did while they were in utero. Right. And yet, there are superpowers associated with I really agree that any if you want to throw up some letters and a diagnosis on any but everybody, then do it because and then shine a light on it. Science fucking light on it. What's your superpower?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:05:05

I love it because I was thinking, you nailed it is that when people think that they're different or crazy or alone, when you have that sort of category, you'd be like, Oh my gosh, this sounds like me. I'm not alone. People understand it a little better. But then it swings to like, oh, and disorder, or whatever. Instead of swinging, too, I understand myself a little better because of science. And And now, what do I do with that? So my superpower is my solution and thought process. So like having 1000 ideas a moment at any given time? When I meet someone, what do you do? And I'm like, well, here's 30,000 ideas I have just being inspired by what you do. Now. My fiance does not think it's a superpower. And I had to learn not everyone's looking for solutions. Sometimes this is crazy. People want to be heard. No, no way. My superpower which is sometimes my kryptonite is I am an extrovert extrovert square. So I when I do trainings, people laugh. Because my favorite thing is, you guys, you're not going to believe this. There's people out there who think about what they say before they say it. So they would like time to do that. So if you're talking or training, you have to pause. And even when I'm pausing, I'm counting in my head so that I give enough time to pause because I'm the one that used to ask the same question 22 ways because I thought you weren't understanding it. I didn't know you were forming the answer.

Tanya Gill: 00:06:31

Ah, because you process so quickly. And you process from so many different directions.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:06:36

Yes.

Tanya Gill: 00:06:37

Now, may I ask Missy, have you been diagnosed ADHD,

Misty Kerrigan: 00:06:41

I have, you have, hey, but in my adult life, because when I was a kid, I was just so hyper hypo. But when it's always served me in playing sports or excelling in academics, because I only had to learn things a couple times and just repeat the thing. So it didn't really hinder me until I went back to get my master's degree. Go when I went back to get my master's degree. And I was running a program full time, full time job running programs and have like, 100 people under me, and I'm getting a master's. I couldn't organize it. So I went in, and I got my diagnosis. And I did got on meds for a little bit just so I could learn how my brain operates on meds. And then within six months, I was able to get off the meds and just do the structure of the meds to be successful. And I'm super proud of I got a 4.0 4.0 Yeah, because I think in my Bachelor's like when I post I was like, 18 through 22, my Bachelor's I had like a 3.2. But the greatest time of my life, that was a well earned 3.2.

Tanya Gill: 00:07:42

And, and by the way, folks, we call that harmony, I don't use the word balance, because I think balance is bullshit. But we call on harmony. It's when you can say that, you know what, like, you rang it dry for what it was and did the best that it did your best and enjoyed every minute of it, every moment of it. That

Misty Kerrigan: 00:08:00

nobody I knew to stay another year in college, and I was like, we gotta get out into the workforce. And I'm like, you guys know, it was like warning, or when I was never going to be like this again. Why are you in a hurry? And like, I'm gonna switch my mind or stay one more year. So I did five years just because I knew it was the most magical experience ever. When you turn to an adult? It's not what it's all cracked up to be.

Tanya Gill: 00:08:21

adulting Yeah. Right. So So you were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult? And then recognized it as your superpower. How do you help other people see that superpower instead of seeing it as a deficit or a roadblock?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:08:39

I really think it's that especially if you have ADHD because you have these like grandiose ideas, and you get super excited. But then you change when you see a squirrel and you procrastinate, while at the same time you get super focused so people get confused, because they're like, Well, you focus just fine when you're playing video games, or you focus just fine when you're doing this. But how come you can't finish an assignment that's due in three days instead of the day before. So they get into a lot of shame and blame. Then they started self doubting. So when I usually meet the entrepreneur, they're usually your entrepreneur because they can't pay eight, nine to five jobs, but they also struggled to do the things they need to do to bring in the income they know they're capable of. They're just not quite there yet. So we just help them structure and accountability. A lot of times we'll do more for others than ourselves. And instead of overanalyzing it, just know that we do it and put some of those measures in place. So able to help them just stay clear and focused until they get the things done. And when they get the things they don't want to do done. It's easier to then step into the oh my god, this is fun, like meeting people or the aspect of coaching. Like sitting down having coffee and getting to the root of someone's thought patterns.

Tanya Gill: 00:09:51

Amazing. Amazing. I I've never been diagnosed. I call myself ADHD I also just call it my fairy Because I am a fairy. So I like to flit. And that's just the way I'm wired. I'm also an extrovert extrovert, an extra extrovert. Like I'm like an admin, I can extrovert on espresso without needing the espresso. Right? I am. I own it, I totally own it. But you know, it's interesting, as you're talking about, like the grandiose ideas, and I think, for people in business that can be super powerful for people who are in I'm just going to call it like, my experience has been that some people see ADHD, for example, as really a massive deficit and a roadblock to possibilities. So what would you say to someone who has someone with ADHD in their life who's an adult or who has ADHD themselves, and maybe doesn't see it as the superpower that has the potential to be?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:10:55

It's like having a Porsche engine but not knowing how to drive it. So it's,

Tanya Gill: 00:11:03

that is the best metaphor, okay. Yeah, yeah,

Misty Kerrigan: 00:11:05

go ahead. Yeah. But they drive it like the Pinto, or they like wreck it or sometimes, like unfortunate with ADHD, because your mind doesn't stop. They find substances, right? So they like the way that the substance feels because it stops, they're always like thinking think, go, go, go. But if you put the car on the right racetrack, the car just wants to continue going. And I think that's why when people ask me, like, what do you do, and I'm like, Well, I've had the same day job for 21 years, I direct and write and direct multimillion dollar programs for nonprofit. But I have two businesses that I'm reading up on the side. And then I do these other things. But with me, I could also if I'm not careful, I could Netflix and chill all day. I'm like, Oh, this is interesting show. And now that there's 22 of them left, I better sit here and finish it. So it's really that okay, controlling, like, I know that when I'm doing something I want, I don't want to stop. But other things have to be done to how do I do the transitions. And then I teach others how to do that, because it started with kids. Because kids with high ADHD, poor kids are always put in situations where it stopped, don't. And you're tired of them, right? You're like, oh my gosh, do you ever stop and the only time they stop is when they sleep and then they're right back up and added again. But you have to feel their days and fill their minds and keep the structure because they can't self structure. So and structure is a skill. And unfortunately, I think sometimes we forget, we have to take the time to teach the skill, even with adults. So a lot of times, it's just finding that zone of excellence. And helping people stay in that without the shame and blame of when they fall off the track.

Tanya Gill: 00:12:44

Oh, how you're speaking my language you are so speaking my language sister. I want to come back to what you said about kids with ADHD. I of course have worked with many children with ADHD and I have a child with ADHD and and I, I would self diagnosed with ADHD, I'm just not interested in the label, I would say it is a superpower for me as well. But what you said this was so interesting, like, you know, we constantly are telling our people, children often with ADHD, the primary words that they're hearing, are those low vibration words of don't Not and No. Right? So we tell ourselves that if you want to be successful in life, watch your language try to avoid the words don't not to know because vibrationally they're toxic, you're far better off to put energy into more positive things than don't Not and No. And yet, for people who are differently wired or differently abled, or have incredible superpowers that don't Not and No is often how we we as the outside world, direct them and try to I'm just gonna say control the boundaries from which the lane from which they're trying to drive their, their Porsche engine in their Pinto. And what you're describing is saying, hey, you know what, you have a Pinto underneath is the Porsche engine, let's get you in the lane. So that you can be successful in that lane. And, and like literally win the race that is your life. Right? Not anybody else's.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:14:29

I love that. Because I've watched these, the dog trainer shows, right? And they they're really serious are like, hey, this pit needs like two hours of walking a day. And if you can't do that you shouldn't have him because in order for him to be successful, this is what he needs, right? But we don't do that with parents, right? Because you're trying to structure the child based on your needs and your wants, instead of moving towards. Okay, if my kid needs to be running around for two hours a day just to think straight. Where am I going to make that effort so that the kid can be in those quirements to kind of get were out or, or to think or to with ADHD when why we're hyper focus as we find zones of genius where we feel good. A lot of times for kids that gaming, because there's so much stimulus going on at the same time, you know, with parents, they felt like I can't let them game for three hours. Well, why not? Like if you set the standard if your rooms clean, and this is done, because we get very motivated when we want something? So utilizing that motivation without it like, Well, shouldn't you be reading a book? Is he should they, I don't know, like, isn't a book on tape and they go for a walk, like, what is their zone to get out, their thoughts are their energy so that they can just be at baseline without these, like 1000 thoughts, but we're reading them at once. Even today, there was a decision I had to be made. And I was there was like, eight things I was doing. And I was like, Stop, you're just trying not to make the stupid decision. Sit down, write out your list, you know what to do, and then make the decision. And of course, as soon as I wrote it out, they went into my vibrational space. It was like, oh, yeah, I knew what I want to do all along, just do it. Everything else went through. But it was this whole, like my subconscious trying to distract me the entire time, when I already knew what I knew, I just had to stop, connect to me and move over the actions that that was a decision.

Tanya Gill: 00:16:17

I think whether or not you have ADHD, there's a message in that for every single one of our listeners, because I'm the same way I can have a million things going on. And then I'll be like, I'll say to Peter, I'm going for a walk, and he'll be like, you just told me you have 7000 things to do. And I'm like, Yep, and I'm gonna go and I'm gonna get grounded. And then I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna hammer my shit, right. But if I don't recognize what I need, in order to get centered and grounded, again, I'm going to spin my wheels, right. And I think that a lot of us have that. And especially and I definitely think that people with ADHD experienced it in a different way. But it is that it is that space of recognizing that something has, there is something that will create that grounding, that will then allow the other pieces to make more sense and be more logical and less overwhelming. You know, and that, that space of and that grounding can be going for a walk, or it can be sitting down and writing it out and being like, Oh, it was in front of me all along. This is exactly what I need to do. But I just need to be in this space for it.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:17:34

I love that because we talked about the third thing that you really love is getting in the right vibration. Yeah. And we sometimes I think, without meaning to keep ourselves out of the right vibration, because we know what's gonna happen in the right vibration. So it really just is being like, okay, get into the right vibration, you need to do what you need to do, instead of having that sort of like, well, I don't want to go to bed early, even though if I wake up tomorrow, I know it'd be way better for it, right? Having that sort of, I'm doing that now. So funny with food. Because I was just starting to connect food, I was talking to an expert in vibration. And I said, you know, fast food is starting to taste gross and different, not what I expect. And she's like, Oh, you're vibrating higher. And I'm like, understand what you mean. She's like a different vibrations, food. If it's not vibrating with you, it's not going to taste the same. So you have to maybe jump into higher vibration of food. And I'm like, I don't even know what that means. And she's all just monitor how you feel when you eat something, not how it tastes. But how you feel. And you'll notice the higher vibration now the better the taste, you're gonna you're not gonna have to be making yourself eat the food that's good for you because you're on that vibration level. And it was so funny. I was like, She's crazy. And then I went out for a week and I'm like, why is Why is celery tasted so damn good. And cucumbers and like, all this food that I would be like, You got to get some of this before you eat chips. It's just like, pacing amazing. And I'm like, Oh, I get what she's saying now. She's not crazy. It's the even my tastebuds are wired into a vibration that I didn't know.

Tanya Gill: 00:19:04

You know why I love this podcast? Because Because conversations take the coolest twists and turns and in a million years would I have thought I was going to be having a talk with Mr. Carrigan. About the vibration of food. No. And yet, and yeah, it's, it's perfect because what you are describing is something that I've very recently have experienced. So I don't know if you know my story I use at my highest it's actually 275 pounds. No, yeah. And, and I have the skin to prove it. So that no, you know what? I'm not but I do I have the skin to prove it. And, and and I don't talk about how much I weigh now because what I've realized is I was so fixated on weight instead of being happy. But as soon as I finally said you know what, actually I'm just going to enjoy myself where I am and just Pay attention to what feels good and, and really work on making my life feel good. My my weight my life, my whole body completely changed. And so did my nutritional profile and my palate. So I have children who by the way, our our eating in our home is really, really complicated because we have a child who is vegan. Peter has dairy and gluten allergies, my husband, and then I have two boys, one of which I would call a me to terian like his favorite, like flesh basically. And then I am moving more towards vegetarianism because I don't like eating meat anymore. I don't like the taste of meat. It's just not in my wheelhouse of it's not that I have like it's a very interesting thing, but I would much rather ate dairy but I wouldn't and I'll never give up cheese. I

Misty Kerrigan: 00:21:02

gotta love cheese. Yes. Oh, cheese Attarian.

Tanya Gill: 00:21:04

i Yeah, like I yeah, like I have I have postcards printed that say I love you more than cheese. I send you Is it real? That says I love you more than cheese, you need to know I really fucking love you, like Siri of love. I love cheese. But what you're talking about the vibration, I've had this conversation with a couple of people now who have said, even if you don't consider from a spiritual sense, because some people have a hard time with this concept of vibration and spirituality in those pieces. From the perspective of just being eating food that is closer and closer to its source, its original source, is a is a higher vibration. And so that, that experience of connecting to nutrition and a source, if you will, of sustenance for yourself, that the vibration of what you're putting into your body, when you start to pay attention to it becomes an entirely different experience than within your body. So and then you're talking about like celery tastes like and I get it. I buy giant Costco bags of celery now and we eat it like it's like like I've just brought in like chocolate bars. And it's so interesting.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:22:31

I was getting so disappointed because I would build up something in my head like I want to In and Out Burger. California internet was huge. And I would go through the line I would be like raw and be like, Oh, so it's not where my alignment was with when I thought I would be like like a drug I guess apparently they say foods a drug that it wasn't giving me the same high. But it's so crazy that you said that is as soon as I disconnect from why I'm eating. I could eat anything like just paring down the cake or the chocolate and then feeling like crap and it was this why don't I focus on the joy and how I'm gonna feel in 20 minutes.

Tanya Gill: 00:23:11

You are so awesome. That's not

Misty Kerrigan: 00:23:13

easy. It's easier to

Tanya Gill: 00:23:14

sit well and that's I think that's exactly it. Like, you know, I oh god, there are so many directions that I could go with this. So I'm going to start with fat shaming because this is what come up for me a lot lately is there's some really amazing people in social media and in media and entertainment. Who don't fit that mold of what when I was growing up was the Britney Spears Barbie model body that was supposed to be aspired to and like, right. And now there are people like Lizzo in the world who are right I mean, she is a fucking goddess. She is brilliant. She is talented. And she is beautiful

Unknown: 00:24:05

and bold. That's what I love right apologetically her her.

Tanya Gill: 00:24:09

Right and that's exactly it. She is so unapologetically authentic. It's like, and this is me and if I'm not your fucking thing. D Yeah. And I love that because I I really believe that that is the only way to really live with a truly happy life is to be able to maybe her you know, some people see her as a little bit more extreme. I don't I think she's like, I think sometimes I put Lizzo as my BFF as a hashtag because I'm like, I just love this woman. I do I just love her. But But or and the message around that really is like, it's about building a sense of trust with yourself and when I listened to our whole conversation, our whole conversation Misty, if you to, like, as I'm listening to a conversation, at the very center of all of it is the trust that you instill in yourself the trust that for example, what people may have labeled as a dis ability, right, or your and I often use the term differently abled, but whatever, you know, whatever that different ability is, or that superpower is, or whatever it is, it's it really is about trusting yourself in it, whether it's the vibration of the food you're consuming, or whether it's navigating decision making in a storm, when you've got a million things going on, or whether it's leaning into the different abilities and gifts that you've been given in this life, and having them work for and with you, instead of resisting and fighting them. It is that space of trust. And like holy shit, like I can actually see, it's so funny, right? Like a picture. I'm very visual. So I picture the Pinto, with the Porsche engine. And it's like trusting that the lane that you're going to get into is going to have the pit crew that you need, is going to right is going to be like that it's going to the track is going to be right. And when the track isn't right, you've got the skills to navigate and move around where you need to go to keep on the track and keep going. You know, like, but it comes down to trust, and you have to trust yourself, you've got to trust the people you're surrounding yourself with. Like, how many of your clients end up having to do edits in their lives around potential relationships, connections, as they start to really connect with their truth.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:26:53

So we I before you guys got on, we were talking about how kind of science nerdy we are with education and Itani and Peter are the same way, right? We collected read certificates because we love learning. Well, I did a study once and then I did a training on it was, you know, you we've heard you're the sum of the five people you surround yourself with, right? Uh huh. It goes deeper, you're the sum of the five people their people surround themselves with. And the and you're still, there's like, 20% impact from the people of the people that they surround themselves with. And to put that in perspective, if I gave you guys, I think it said something like 400 more dollars a year, that's going to only impact you like 15%, but a friend of a friend is going to impact you 20% in the sense of influencing your mood, your thoughts or your behavior. So we're not the sum of the five were the some of the some of the stuff.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:27:46

So when you're choosing your five, it really is who are their five, and who are their fives, five, because those are all going to be contagious too. And I thought that was a phenomenal thing to really take into consideration when you're choosing your five. And to not have to go home and divorce your family or to really look at that, but to really look at where you're putting your time in. And I had to do that in my life too. Because I'm like, if if I am the smartest one in the room, I gotta find a better room not because of the people in the room. But because I will never grow or out comfort this room if this is the room I'm most comfortable in. So it's getting out there and meeting new people. And that's when my life started to change was taking on new friendships, new mentors, and it never hurts to be an extrovert. You're gonna love that when I was little my grandparents raised me and my grandma loved Vegas. And so they would drop me off at a waterpark at nine in the morning. And they would come back to like, see you at five. And they would leave. And you know, nowadays helicopter friends like oh my gosh, like, what did you do? And I'm like, I had the best day ever, I would just follow friends around and make new friends and until their family left, and I would make a new friend because I was extroverts like, this is so cool. I get to meet all these people in the Hangout for two hours until they leave. And I've always been through life where the family's like, oh, we'll adopt you, right? Because being an only child of grandparents, you learn communication and making people laugh and just being fun to be around. But that's kind of what helps me with my who's a some of my five is, Well, where am I lacking that I can get around someone that that comes easy to them? Is it confidence? Is it food is it you know, like working out because you're going to take on some of those beliefs even without knowing it.

Tanya Gill: 00:29:25

You hear that pay attention to your five and and and this is something I really feel like it's really important to remind people is during the pandemic, if if your five were your family, and maybe they I mean I've seen this time and again where a lot of people have said actually my five have killed just about killed me because as much as I love them, they are just not as inspiring as I need them to be. Right and so I know this is not one of those things where we're trying to suggest people go out and divorce fail only and then all of a sudden, like, you can't be my best friend, you can't be in my room because you're not smart enough. You're not gonna make me grow. That is not what we're talking about. We're talking about that awareness. Right, the awareness around who what relationships? Are you cultivating? What relationships? Are you pruning? Right? And what relationships? You know, are? Are it what stage of life are your relationships? And and how are they serving you and the other person?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:30:33

Oh, I think no people, no people, not a lot of people think about that reciprocally, because you might actually be the Succubus, right, the one who's not making it that like this energy is exchanged between me and you. And I've had lots of people who had to take a step back and be like, I'm the one that initiates everything, or, you know what, I have a friend and I wait till they call me and I don't initiate anything. So it really is taking that accountability. And were Who am I showing of ads? And am I reciprocal? And are they reciprocal? Because you stop doing things for certain people and you find out they don't call? You don't have to get rid of them, they get rid of themselves?

Tanya Gill: 00:31:08

Well, or and I had this experience where I've because extroverts we are natural connectors, okay, like, we just, I'm just going to own it for myself, I know that a lot of extroverts are natural connectors. And so one of the things that that I have personally had to own is that I'm a natural connector. So I've created a lot of relationships where I've always been the one who's done the reaching out, just because I'm just that person, like I'm always connect like I'm I am that person when I stopped being that person, so that I could spend more time with myself and and do some things that I needed to do. The experience of it was that I had some people who felt extremely hurt, and, and felt like I had abandoned them. And so, you know, the message around that is Oh, poor Tanya, and we're getting we're not here to shit all over the people who felt that that is not the point, right? Like, this is not a oh my god, we need to feel sorry for Tony, because we're friends decided not to be friends with her anymore. No, no, this is really about the awareness of it. And, and recognizing that, if you are the person who is the regular connector, and, and you, you stop for whatever reason, and then those connections naturally fall away. It's okay to let them and it doesn't have to be fucking drama. And it doesn't have to be like, I hate you, and you hate me now. And you're not my friend on Facebook anymore. Right? It can just be like, hey, it doesn't mean I love you any less. But it means that that connection is just flowing away. And that's okay. That's okay. But the responsibility of the reciprocal relationship is like, it's so huge. And I think a lot of people think that they are the responsible, we all have to own our responsibility in it. But we also have to be willing to share the responsibility with others, and recognize where they will arrive in that. And if it's not where it aligns with you, that's okay. You know, that's good. Or hate, like, I don't know why people need drama. Why do people need drama? Misty?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:33:42

Um, let's see, sometimes that's all they know, like growing up, right? That drama was love or dramas entertainment, or their significant through the drama. I tried to someone will say something cryptic, right. They'll be like, well, you know, so and so doesn't Baba blah. And I have to stop myself and be like, it doesn't you don't need to go why? Or who are like, do you need to know or do you want to know? And a lot of times, I don't need to know, I just want to know, because they're dropping and I'm like, but I don't want to. I don't want to know, I know. So like I just, I the biggest compliment I got from one of my friends is like, I appreciate being with you. Because we talk about ourselves and ideas. We don't talk about other people. So that's a huge compliment. Thank you.

Tanya Gill: 00:34:30

That's it. That is actually that's a beautiful check in and reminder for people is, you know, when you get together with someone, what are your conversations about, you know, really what are they? What are your conversations about? The only thing is if you are talking about someone you know, I heard this beautiful quote, which was if someone is talking about me behind my back, it means I'm in front of them. Right? And and it's not good. Write statement. And then the question becomes, it's like, why are you putting these people that aren't even a part of that conversation in front of you? And to what end? Is? Because is it something you need to talk about? Or is it something you want to talk about? And when you're using that space, like, I think sometimes we want to talk about other people, because then it deflects from the real shit in our worlds. Like, oh, my god, can you believe what she's doing?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:35:29

We feel better about ourselves.

Tanya Gill: 00:35:30

Right? Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, um, yeah. Pay attention to the five people you surround yourself with? Because the potential what's the math on that misty?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:35:46

Yeah, the five of the five of the five, I thought that was inside

Tanya Gill: 00:35:50

times, well, like that's more math than I can tell you. Have you done the mouth. But I

Misty Kerrigan: 00:35:55

have it in the training, I break it down percentage wise and in show, but I didn't have the training and running, I just was thinking about that.

Tanya Gill: 00:36:03

Pay attention to your five. And don't beat yourself up. If you're five right now, or not the most desirable five in the world, just start paying attention to leaning into making those connections with some, some more five, five, a couple more fives.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:36:18

It's all good.

Tanya Gill: 00:36:19

It's all good. Misty, we could talk for hours, or I've been I know, I just looked at the clock and went, that was so fast. I love I love it when they're just like easy conversations. And we just talked like, look at what was this flow, right. So for our listeners, before your listeners, got listeners remember us? Before we before, all of all of our podcasts are very, I'm going to use the word organic in that, you know, more than anything I want people to be able to join in and really cool conversations with really amazing people and feel inspired in their lives in a were in a way that either touches on awareness, or befriending their inner critic or raising their vibe. And quite honestly, I think that this conversation has done all of the above and more. Misty, if you had a closing piece of advice for our listeners in life, like seriously, you get to give this piece of information. This is the last piece of advice you give, even though I'm going to see you in a week. I know it's going to be so amazing. What what do you what would you say to somebody? Actually, I'm kind of get to kind of give you a What would you say to the mother of an adult child with ADHD? Because I know that those people are listening. What advice would you give to the mother of a child an adult child with ADHD?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:37:55

You know, I always tell the kids and now use it with adult if you don't define yourselves, others will. So it's really strength to define yourself but sometimes with ADHD or with moms, you don't allow the child to define themselves because you're worried or you want better for them. So it really is is how do you help the child even if they're an adult, but how do you help them define themselves because we can't give someone value they have to give themselves value first we can and the crazy part about parenting and this is the best tip of the day I'm going to lean in is our children don't do what we say our children do what we do. So how you treat yourself or how you allow others to treat you your child will copy and paste that into their life so if you're your child is not where they need to be are you and I always say quit lying to your child you know we come home tired from work or like follow your dreams and your kids are like you didn't me telling me to follow my dreams you hate your job or your your you're not where you want to be but like but because we want so much better for our children. So it really is that how do we help them define themselves without being scared for them but really letting them fail and succeed which is a horrible feeling as a parent right when you you don't want them to fall but it's the it's in the getting back up that we usually define ourselves in our character

Tanya Gill: 00:39:16

and I think that that is a lien and one that is such a legit Misty that is such a lien and because I'm a podcast I actually just recently did with my best friend was around like the difference between the generations of our mothers and us and our children because the degrees of choice have have broadened for us over time. Thank God, right, like thank God that that homophobia and racism and some of those things, which very much still exist, exist in to lesser degrees and there is space for people to be who they are period, including with gifts like just like differently abled, ADHD, autism, all of those anything period, the gift of being differently abled and, and the idea that we can really truly nurture our children to live and step into their truths means that we have to let them fucking fail. Because what happens if we don't let them fail, they don't learn the power of that and they don't learn the skill of getting back up. And so yeah, like that is so so powerful, let them connect with who they are, let them define themselves. And then as a parent, decide how you're going to support them in that definition.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:40:58

And still always redefine I've worked with parents all the time, I'm the local call, when like my business friends when they're their kid shows up like I'm Pan or I think I'm gay, or I like the until they call me and they're like, What do you think and I always laugh and I go, there's something with this generation that is just more comfortable with being where they're at where they're at. So just support them where they're at and you'll be really really pleasantly surprised they're gonna go somewhere else because they're not going to have your it's like a river right? They're not going to have your push back and make them want more I think if that's really them, but if you flow with them all your pan brain do you know what that means? Let's look it up. Do you know if you know by saying that what others might think are saying positive and negative but flowing through logical conversations will help them create logic without reading no you're not well that sounds dumb or well okay, if you are let's go buy a flag like so really just looking at finished the conversation with them like you're a lot of the kids even though they'll they want a minute they still want your the parents approval and advice but it's just it's having a conversation without it being manipulated by the parent. You know, the favorite parent one right? Do you want this? Or this? Because we we've been doing it since they were little so it's really just taking that step back and helping them become who they are their best version of themselves without trying to shape it so hard as the parent

Tanya Gill: 00:42:22

Oh, that is such solid beautiful beautiful advice my friend. Oh my god. Okay. Let's see what is the best way for our audience to find you and get to know you more?

Misty Kerrigan: 00:42:34

I love my Instagram and Facebook it's Misty K 33 If you are if you Google Misty Kerrigan ke R IGN you will find this amazing. Face. And then mine is kind of like yours. Like it's it's random fun. It's deep thoughts in the moment. And it's ponds. I love ponds, and I'm a sucker for dad jokes. So different things sometimes educational a lot of times just smartass. You see, you're

Tanya Gill: 00:43:01

talking. You are talking to my people. You know, you're talking to my people. Oh my gosh, oh, I know that our listeners are going to fall in love with you as much as I have. I feel like I need to tell everyone how I know you. We sat down at a lunch across the table from you Peter and I sat down with lunch across the table from you. And you and I had a boat a two and a half minute conversation. And Peter and you had much more time together oh my god yes. gorgeous and beautiful. And and that's when he was like you need to get to know misty and you need to get it on the podcast. And and then here we are. And I'm so grateful.

Misty Kerrigan: 00:43:44

I just love the crazy small roll. But yeah, I didn't even like we felt like the minutes were like around everyone's getting up to leave me and Peter are still talking. I'm like I think you have to go and he's like, but I don't want to that these lifelines like my wife will find you. I like that my wife will find you.

Tanya Gill: 00:44:01

Oh my gosh, Misty, thank you so much for this. I know that our listeners are going to love you and and you were a gift. So from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being you.