Navigating Holiday Feelings

Tanya Gill: 00:00:02

Welcome to the trifecta of joy, my friends, I want to have a conversation with you today about the emotional charge of the holidays, and how we can help ourselves through the holidays and make the most of them, no matter what we're in, or what we're going through. You know, the holidays are really interesting, because there's a beautiful time, it's about peace, joy, love connection, and gathering in goodness and sharing, and creating memories with one another, and for ourselves. And yet, I know that the holidays are also quite emotionally charged for some people. I know that every year, you know, we have our own family traditions that we have. And just last night, we set up the Christmas tree, all for kids and, and and Peter and I and and there were four dogs there too. So it was a busy time. But you know, like setting up the Christmas tree as a family and going through some of those really beautiful connective experiences together is what the holidays are about. And the holidays are about a lot of other things, too. You know, and, and the trifecta of joy is about awareness, befriending your inner critic and raising your vibration. So let's start with this idea of awareness. Like what do the holidays mean to you? What matters to you in the holidays? You know, for a lot of people. The holidays are busy. And you know, it's it's a word I have to say I struggle with because when you see someone you're like, how are you and they respond busy. It's kind of a letdown. Because, you know, I want to hear someone is well, or someone is going through things or, you know, I want to hear something other than busy. Because busy means I have things to do. And the doing never ends. And we always have things to do that's part of life. But it's also about considering who you want to be. And that's where that honor, empathy, love and presence comes in. So, awareness, let's talk about some traditions, do you have family traditions that you keep or that you're interested in, maybe even letting go of some and starting some new ones. You know, we have some really interesting family traditions that we have. One of them is that every year we bake sugar cookies, we make sugar cookies, and the recipe is my first husband's mother's sugar cookie recipe. Every year she used to bring us a tin full of the sugar cookies, and my kids loved them. And so when she stopped baking them because she was getting older, and it was a lot harder for her. We took up the tradition of baking them ourselves. And every year we make grandma's sugar cookies together. And it brings me joy when I see my dining room table absolutely covered in all of these cute cut out shapes of Santos and stars and, and candy canes and gingerbread people. And then we get out the icing and we slather it on. And I'll tell you it is not an art project at our house. It is definitely a act of love and fun and icing everywhere with a few sprinkles here and there too. But those kinds of traditions matter. And you know, as we get older, sometimes they matter less to us, sometimes they matter more to us. And we also are in that beautiful place of being able to invite these traditions to our kids and have them have meaning for them and talk about the legacy that comes from some of these traditions. So for example, these cookies are from grandma Gill, right. So you know, it's one of those things where we have the beautiful ability to bring awareness to what matters to us at this time of year. And, you know, I I think it's important to that we recognize that for some people, the holidays also bring a lot of stress, they bring stress because we want to make things perfect, we want things to be lovely. We want to make sure all the food is there and all the gifts are bought and all the things are done. And at the end of the day, Christmas is going to come and go because it always does. And it's really about how we've enjoyed it, how we've shown up and and really honored one another in the space that we share in the time that we connect, and also how we move through the holidays for and with ourselves. I know sometimes I've spoken to clients who've said, the holidays happened and I now I just am like, Okay, now what, and going into cleaning mode in the new year. And because I have one client in particular who shared with me last year that because she was so busy doing, she felt like she never had the opportunity to be, she felt like she actually missed out on the opportunity to play with her grandchildren, and to enjoy the time of sitting around the the Christmas dinner table because she was so busy serving. So you know what, it's really about bringing awareness to what matters for you, and noticing your thoughts and feelings as they're happening. These thoughts and feelings can be so complex. And I think it's important that we also talk about loss in the holidays. You know, for, for a lot of people, the holidays are a time of noticing the absence of loved ones. And it's, it's so essential that we be able to create space for ourselves to recognize that the holidays may be about peace, love, joy and gratitude, which by the way, are the highest vibration states. And also can be about grief and loss and hard times and missing people or connections that maybe once upon a time were. And it's important to be able to have the space to honor those feelings as well. And you know, it's interesting, because with the holidays, our inner critic also can really play havoc on us. I know that deja is already all over me because I haven't done all of my Christmas shopping or actually any yet. But I trust it will all get done because it always does. And you know, like, we have these expectations of ourselves of what the holidays should be. And shooting my friends really, really is the work of your inner critic, you know, we have 60 to 70,000 thoughts a day. And 90% of those are from the day before. So check with yourself and see what kind of thoughts you are giving headspace to, you know, the sad part is that 80% of those 90% from the day before are often negative. And that really is the work of your inner critic. And during the holidays, the inner critic is often really focused on things like finances, and making sure things are pretty, and making sure everybody's got everything they need. And getting all of the gifts and making everyone happy. And and your inner critic can can be in that place of shooting all over yourself, and really making the holidays harder than they need to be. So my friend, if you find your inner critic coming up during the holidays, and as you're preparing for the holidays, or even as you're navigating some of the relationships that come with the holidays, remind yourself that it is okay to have the feelings you have. And that some of those may be based in old stories that you just need to let go of. And recognize that the most important time that you have is the time that you have now, this time to share, to connect to be to rest. The other thing about the holidays, and I'm gonna say this is resting is something that a lot of people struggle to give themselves the space for during the holidays, between parties and events, and Christmas concerts and all of the things that come with the holidays, a lot of people find that it is hard to rest. And I want to remind you, my friends that one of the most beautiful things you can do for yourself is give yourself the space to be. So if you struggle to rest, maybe even taking five or 10 minutes a day just to sit and sip a cup of tea and listen to some music, or read a book or go for a quick