What Is The Weight Holding You Back?

Tanya Gill: 00:00:08

Hi friend, I'm Tanya Gill Welcome to lighten up and unstuck your What the fuck. Together, we explore the ways through life's stickiness moments, and how to live with more peace, joy, love and gratitude. We're going to talk honestly about what isn't easy so you can discover the light within you that will carry you forward. My friend, this podcast is about you in real life, your body, mind and soul, and the opportunity to not only live your best, but shine, doing it

Tanya Gill: 00:00:48

another episode of lighten up and unstuck your WHAT THE FUCK MY FRIENDS I'm so excited to have Caitlin McTavish back with us.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:00:59

Back again, I don't back for more

Tanya Gill: 00:01:04

Caitlin, you have been a guest on the show before. And I'm so happy that you were back. And I'm happy that you are back for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that I have had the pleasure of seeing so much incredible transformation and growth in you since even our last podcast. And and I'm very, very excited to share with our audience, that you are in the process of finishing up your life coaching certificate, and have been mentoring with me and will be joining my team. And perfectly imperfect as a life coach. Oh my god, you're

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:02:03

so excited.

Tanya Gill: 00:02:04

I am so excited to because anyone who has the opportunity to get to know you will know that you are such an incredible inspiration. That's an incredible inspiration. And in September, we're actually going to be launching a program together. Which is really interesting and has been an incredible work in process for a long time. And some could say it's taken 48 years if we really look at it. But it's called shine. And it's called shine. Love yourself. Light. Caitlin you've been a partof shine for a very long time. And when you hear shine love yourself like what's the first thing you think about?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:02:58

I think about shine and I think about shining in my own life and to me shining is living authentically and loving my life for exactly what it is.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:08

I'm loving your life for exactly what it is now loving myself

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:03:11

for exactly who I am.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:15

Who and loving yourself for exactly who you are. Now I got to ask this question because this is something I never expected would happen for me. But what I want to know is

Tanya Gill: 00:03:26

this.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:29

Can you say honestly you love yourself?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:03:32

Yes. Very. And when I got to that point, it was very tearful. You saw it, it happened in session. It was very tearful moment because it's been 26 years of not saying that honestly it never meaning it and I can honestly say I absolutely do. Absolutely. Absolutely do love myself.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:52

I think that should be the new word. Absolutely.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:03:55

I absolutely love myself.

Tanya Gill: 00:03:57

I absolutely love myself. Going to research going back to Shi M it's on there. It's a C we got to see it to see we're copywriting that shit done. When you say you absolutely love yourself.

Tanya Gill: 00:04:15

What does it mean though?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:04:19

I love myself for everything I am. I love myself in the hard moments. I love myself most of the hard moments because I've found a way to give myself grace and learn that those moments are hard for a reason. Those moments are hard to learn. They're hard to grow. And they serve a purpose. And I love myself on the good days too and I celebrate the shit out of myself now. There's no more playing small. I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of where I've been and I'm damn proud of where I'm going.

Tanya Gill: 00:04:55

Puck right Amen sister, a min sister And, you know, I want to talk about an elephant in the room for some people. And that is weight. Because the truth is that a lot of people think that they can't love themselves because of their weight. And they think that if they can just control this one thing, this weight, right, this thing, this thing that the world tells them that they should have or be whether it's based on BMI, or whether it's based on social media, or whether it's based in whatever it is, we think, for some reason, that will fix it all. And we'll be able to love ourselves once we reach a certain fucking weight. I know I lived there for a really long time. I lived there for a really long time. And, you know, what's your relationship with? Wait, honestly?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:06:08

Well, it's definitely been a struggle for a really long time. And I've I've been in that place as well, I'll, I'll do this when I've lost this much weight. Or I'll feel better about myself when I've lost this much weight. I even had a little bit of that moment where, you know, like, getting all this stuff together to work for perfectly imperfect, you know, needing photos. Well, I should lose. No, absolutely not. My mindset has shifted so much since starting. And I will say that I've always gone into my 90 Day journeys with a Weight Loss School, I will also honestly say that I haven't hit that goal. But in each 90 days, I've realized it's never been about that number. I've also set a lot of feeling goals, and I've hit every one of those. And those are so much more important to me. And I have learned that I am perfect, exactly how I am. My body does what it needs to do. I can live my life fully. I am healthy. It doesn't matter what that number says. It matters how I can live my life. And I can live my life in a most excellent way right now. And I can look in the mirror and say Damn, like, You're beautiful. You're wonderful. And I love you.

Tanya Gill: 00:07:25

That's a big fucking deal. That is a big fucking deal. And Caitlin, you know, our, our listeners do not know where you started. But when you started, which is in an original in a different podcast, but when you started just to give our listeners a little bit of perspective. How were you feeling about yourself? Legitimate?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:07:47

When I when I started, I was so desperate to lose weight that I started this to lose weight. And I've gained so so much more since then. It's unbelievable. But I don't know, like I just don't care anymore. Like I truly don't care. I can put a number down. And if I don't phase or if I don't get close to it or anything like that. It just doesn't faze me. I don't care. Like I legitimately do not care. I used to be obsessed with daily weighing myself. I used to be like before way before we started, I would calorie track I would never eat enough I would work out so much. It was insane. It just is not worth it. It didn't bring me joy. It wasn't sustainable. It wasn't anything good for my mental health. It wasn't good for my relationship with food. Now when I moved my body, I do it. For joy, I dance. That's how I workout, I dance, and I walk my dog and those things make me happy. And if I lose some weight along the way, excellent. And if I don't, that's fine, too.

Tanya Gill: 00:08:57

Okay, so let's talk about food. Right? Because Because this, you know, let's be really honest about it. Like, there are a couple of things, the most important thing is that you are happy that you are legitimately happy in your life. Right? That is the most important thing. And then, you know, you talk about the rigidity around exercise and how it can become an obsession. And I totally understand how it is easy for those things to become obsessions. And I really do believe that when you move for joy, or when you move and I'm not saying that sometimes you can't you you know your body really needs to move but your mind is like oh my god, I don't want to sometimes it's it's a stretch sometimes it's not always fucking fun. And sometimes you have to remember that the joy is what you get afterward, when you have created that accomplishment. But also like, What's your relationship like with food? Because there was a time When everything in my world was obsessed with points, or calories or proteins and carbohydrates and macronutrients, and, you know, and it was like, and that rigidity was something that I think that that just almost creates a mistrust with our bodies and with ourselves.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:10:24

Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, this program is helping you really tap into just listening to my hunger. And that's what's been really important to me like, before, you know, you're so rigid with how many calories you can have. And then as soon as you know, you pick a cheat day, which is just a terrible, not a terrible mindset, but it's not great. And you just go crazy. Just eat everything on that day, and then you feel like crap. And that just doesn't work. When you actually just listen to your body, and your body is hungry, and you're like, well, body, I'm gonna feed you some Oreos today instead. And you just have those Oreos. And when you're finished having those Oreos and you feel, you know, comfortably full, you stop. And it's fine. There's no punishment. You have your Oreos, you have them when you were hungry, you finished when you were not when you were done being hungry. And that's it, and you move on and it's fine. And there's no punishment for it. Because I think it takes away the label of good food and bad food. And it's just what fuels you food is just there to fuel you. It doesn't have to be good or bad.

Tanya Gill: 00:11:27

And the reality is, is I was talking about better, best, better, best, right? Good, better food, we can say that there is bad food, and we can say there's good food, but actually all food is really fucking good. Otherwise, we wouldn't be putting in our mouths that either tastes good, or it's good for us. So it's good. And so Oreos are a good food. Right? They taste great buck. Oh my God, when you rip them apart and lick the icing out and then manually, they're awesome. They're also a textual delight in your mouth. They are good. Let's just call it what it is. Then there is a better food. So if you are having Oreos, rather than having the whole bag of Oreos, you could have two Oreos and be like, I still am hungry. But what's something better I could have with those Oreos? So maybe in a bowl of fruit? Yeah. Or, or you can say, You know what, these are my options. I can have Oreos, I can have Oreos, and fruit, or I can have just a fruit. Right? But every single time when you give yourself the opportunity around choice, it's like, how am I loving myself in this moment, and sometimes I'm loving myself by fucking eating the Oreos, and letting it be what it is. It's not beating the shit out of yourself every time you have something because then the next time it's another fucking Free For All

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:12:53

right? Well, I think that's the most important part, they're not beating yourself up about it, it's just giving yourself grace. Because when you beat yourself up about it, you get into the mindset where I think it's easier to do it again. And I'm not sure why. But that's something in my brain. Like, if I eat a thing of Oreos and beat myself up about it, then it just becomes a whole thing of well, my day is already hooked for eating healthy, I might as well eat a bag of chips on top of it as well. Or I could just own the Oreos, call it a day. And then you know, have a nice, well rounded meal for my next meal instead of a box of Oreos.

Tanya Gill: 00:13:28

Right. And ultimately, it's just about living your healthiest life. Right. And that is about having harmony between what you're eating and how you're moving. And most importantly, how you feel about yourself. And, you know, and this is, you know, when we are talking about Love Yourself light, a big piece of it is is that this program is not for women who are focused solely on weight loss, because weight loss, cuz I know if I focus solely on weight loss, I can be I've done it, I've lost weight and been fucking miserable. I know how to do that. It's about being able to own where you are in your life right now and say, oh my god, this is the truth of who and where I am. And this is what I want to create. And this is the intention that I'm putting into it. And then breaking it down and showing up for yourself honestly every day. Right? And

Tanya Gill: 00:14:24

if you lose weight, great if you don't lose weight, great, because at the end of the day, all the fucking matters is how you feel about it all. Yep,

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:14:36

big time. I've gained so much peace and confidence and joy in my life since starting those have been a you know, we pick our feelings every 90 days and those have been big ones for me and those are ones that I have achieved and those ones are so important to me, especially the peace like it's something that I've been able to carry through so much and it it just it's so peaceful.

Tanya Gill: 00:14:59

It is so peaceful end, sometimes we set out on a journey thinking that our goal is one thing and realize there's something different, like you and I have talked about this in session and about how this past because we do it in 90 day blocks for a reason, 90 day is really about a window of time that is about transformation. It takes time, it takes that intention. And you thought that one of your big goals this time around was actually to lose weight in a specific realm. And you realized partway through, that wasn't actually the focus at all. It was about a lot of different areas of your life that you even said. And I remember when you said it, it was so beautiful, because you were like, You know what I realized it's actually not the weight this time around. It's these other pieces that are going to line me up to be ready for making that a piece that I may decide to add next time. Right? Right. So next time you said it next time, in the next 90 days, we'll see where we're going with that with the weight piece, then it's really important to me that people not see this as a weight loss program. And yet, I want the people who want to lose weight to come to it. Because I get that desire to lose weight so desperately, I get that feeling like I am trapped inside a body that doesn't serve me I get that feeling of this is so fucking hard. And I wish I remember waking up in the morning and obsessing over what to eat and how to, like how I was going to get through the day and feel in control. And like really hating myself, right from the get go every fucking day and thinking it was about my food and my movement and my body.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:17:02

Yeah, no, I don't. I totally, totally, totally get that. But also, like I said, I think you you can 100% go into that, thinking that that's what it's about. And coming out in 90 days and realizing, oh, no, this time, it was about you know, gaining some peace and some joy. And the next time we needed to gain a little bit of confidence, this time around, maybe some creativity.

Tanya Gill: 00:17:26

It'll get there.

Tanya Gill: 00:17:28

I know. It's just it's so interesting. I just want I just want, I want women just to feel empowered, I want them to be like, This is my fucking light. And I'm here to fucking shine it. You know,

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:17:43

I know what you mean. I don't know if that comes from weight loss, though, because I feel like weight loss is something that if you're in a position that you feel like you need to lose weight, I feel like there's still so many things behind it. So I think the weight loss just kind of ends up being the cherry on top. But I don't think many people can come into it. And not work on so many other things. You know what I mean? Like you can totally come into it and then accidentally become so much more happy. Or accidentally gling gained so much more clarity in sections of your life that you need it.

Tanya Gill: 00:18:22

Yeah. And I think though that we what we do is we look for that external, we think, okay, if I could just be this way I could do this and this and this, or I would feel this and this and this. And the reality is, is that the various ways that I have lost weight and or gained weight over the years have always been, or the weight loss has always been so rigid, right? It's always a diet, right? That concept of like, literally, I always felt like I was I had to become someone else. And the truth is that in becoming myself, I've worked on all these pieces and the weight has come with it. Because of the experience of actually fucking letting go of some shit. And being intentional, and like you said, like, it's it. It is about living your life right now. It's about what are your priorities here and now to take care of yourself.

Tanya Gill: 00:19:34

And like what, what I fuckin find so inspiring about you is it there are so many things that are happening in your life, so many pieces, right? You're going to school, you're married, you have a dog, you have a you have a family that you stay connected well connected with. You have a full time job or almost full time more than full time sometimes job But you've got all these pieces moving, and you're still working on yourself with such commitment.

Tanya Gill: 00:20:05

Mm hmm. And you're launching a business? Yes. But

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:20:11

I think you've taught me that there's a really non narcissistic way to put yourself first. And I found that, oh, that touches on emotional chord, that putting myself first is really fucking important. And I've spent so many years putting myself last, that now that I've gotten used to putting myself first and in the feeling and how amazing it is. I don't care how much shit I have going on in my life, I will not stop and I will not go back.

Tanya Gill: 00:20:53

It becomes a non negotiable.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:20:55

Yep.

Tanya Gill: 00:20:56

Yeah, putting yourself first has it meant, what is putting yourself first look like?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:21:04

It just means making space for myself. Like, it doesn't mean that if everybody in my household is having a meltdown that Oh, no, I need to walk away. And it's me time. But I make time for me in a day, like some days, all I need is five minutes to journal to whatever. Do my plan in my assessment, go to yoga, go meditate. And sometimes I need more time than that. But I make that time intentionally now. And it's something that I really missed out on in my life, because it's something that really refreshes my soul. It makes me not about really, it makes me happy. And it's, it regulates me. And I can be a better wife, I can be a better dog, Mom, I can be a better friend. And those are all proven when I take five minutes a day at minimum for myself, because all of those relationships before. And you know that we're all not thriving. And then when I started putting time into myself, instead of that, they started to thrive. And I think that's really interesting. Because you think when you know, your marriage is a little rocky, you need to pour all your energy into the marriage and fixing that, when really, I need to take some sort of time for me. Honey, you need to take some time for him. And we come back together. And it's magic.

Tanya Gill: 00:22:29

And let's talk about that, taking some time for you and taking some time for him. Because, like, I have, I have recently had two different people tell me that the self love adventure, the actual plan, and assessment, we call it but in reality, we call it a love letter to myself and a daily reflection with love. And the love letter to myself is really like, hey, you know what, like, the reason it's called the love letter to myself is because it really is it's actually a series of lists. If we're being honest, it's not even a lot of journaling, because it's it's about efficiency. And it's also about effectiveness. So it's a series of lists. But this series of lists gives you an opportunity to create some direction and exercise your gratitude muscle. Right. And also being with yourself. And the reflection is an opportunity to actually say, This day was not a fucking waste, that it wasn't a fucking waste. Because I learned something. I did some things, right. I'm thankful for some shit. And this is how I showed up for myself. And I'm worth it. If that's the only thing someone gives to themselves, and it's five. On a hard day, it might be 10 if you decide you want to write more, but if it's five minutes of time, can that five minutes of time pen to paper actually make a difference?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:24:02

I mean, I'm not going to speak for myself, I'm going to speak for my husband, because he started doing it. And yeah, it makes a damn difference. And He only takes five minutes.

Tanya Gill: 00:24:13

Okay, so this is the hilarious thing, right? Because you've been doing it for quite some time. And it's become something that's a part of you. And it's something that you recognize it's five minutes, but it makes a difference in your mindset and how you operate mind, body and spirit. Right. And he was a lurker. Right. And he

Tanya Gill: 00:24:36

was, he was a lurker, right. So how did he lurk?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:24:41

He just he noticed he noticed the changes. He noticed if he was jealous, and he expressed it, he was jealous of how much it had shifted my life and how when I set a goal and made the goal because I had daily reminders to get to that goal. And he was he was pretty jealous of that. So he worked a lot Got about it. Like he never looked at my stuff. But he was always he was curious. He was judgmental, but not like, you know, he was just judgmental and way, I could never do that I could never sit down and do that every single day when I first offered it to him. He was like, Yeah, well, maybe I'll do the weekly or just the monthly, I don't know. And then I was like, just try the daily for a week. I think he's, I want to say 50 days in, and he's done the daily every single day.

Tanya Gill: 00:25:28

What have you noticed so much,

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:25:31

he's, you know what, I'm the thing that's really important to me. And I know it is for him, too. He's become so much gentler to himself. And that makes such a difference, because he's so hard on himself. And he's starting to give himself kindness as well. And that's so, so big and important.

Tanya Gill: 00:25:49

That's the thing, we can talk about what it does for us, right, but when we see the impact it has for others when they're doing it, especially when it comes to the grace and space and love that people give themselves. Like, that's why I call it the fucking self love adventure. That's why I offered the self love adventure as a self guided journey. Because it's like, you know what, it's time for you to give yourself some space and grace. Right? That's the beauty of it is the space and grace of it. And then, and then you start to actually make some shit happen in your life.

Tanya Gill: 00:26:25

And the cool thing

Tanya Gill: 00:26:28

is, is you've recognized what it's done for you. And you've noticed how it's impacted your relationships in life in general. Now that he's doing it, you can see the impact it's having for him and how it's impacting his life and your life. Right, as a couple. And, and it's fucking five minutes a day.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:26:50

Yeah. And sometimes we do it together. And that like tickles my heart. So pink, we went camping, like a month ago, and we both brought our binders. We sat down at the picnic table before we went to go see your friends. We both did our reflection. We don't that our plan together. And it was the first time that we had ever done that. But we both like wow, that was really like it was silent time. But it was a nice moment to spend together reflecting. And yeah, let's super quick, easy, and just started our day on such a good

Tanya Gill: 00:27:17

note. The thing that I remind myself on days when I feel like I don't want to do and and just so we're clear. There are some days I don't do it. But I but I noticed the void of it. And sometimes I'm like, oh my god, do I really want to do this. And then I remind myself really like do you like is there a real? What is the compelling reason? You don't want to spend five minutes with yourself? Like, what the fuck is that about? And then I remind myself, it's like, oh, yeah, you know what, I am worth five minutes. Let's go do this and give myself that. Because then I know what I'm doing today. I have some intention. I also get to drink in what's good in my life? Yes. And what we focus on is what we create. And that's the beautiful thing, right? The more we focus on what we want to create, instead of holding on to what we fucking don't want, the more we move in the right direction.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:28:16

Yeah, I took that week off. And I think the beginning of June when we all got together. Yeah, I missed it so much. It wasn't even funny. I was desperate to get back to my binder and start again.

Tanya Gill: 00:28:29

What did you What did you notice when you weren't doing it?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:28:33

I just fell down. Like, there's something it's, it's so cheesy, but it's true. Like there's something about every day recognizing what you're grateful for and what you love about yourself. And I like also having a plan. Like I'm a plan lady. I like having a plan for the day. And also not to mention actually knowing what you're going to eat in a day is really freaking convenient. Instead of just standing in front of a fridge blankly. I really like that. Um, but yeah, I just like a plan. And I like starting my day loving on myself and being grateful with for what's in my life. And I like ending my day that way too.

Tanya Gill: 00:29:10

When you have the opportunity and permission to live on yourself in a really simple way. It really you know, and that's the thing, like, it's the permission, you have permission to sit down every day and write what you like about yourself. And when you start doing it, it's really fucking hard. And then when you stop doing it, you miss it.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:29:34

You're also is really funny. You said when you start it's really hard and that's something my husband experienced as well is that he said he kept writing the same stuff over and over again. He goes, this is boring, like how am I going to stick with it? So then he started he said he was forced to get creative and think of other things. So now he's got his list of whatever 50 days times three a day of things that he loves himself and I'm sure there's repeats but now, now that he's been forced To get creative, so it's not boring. There's so many more things he's discovered he loves about himself and me as well. Like, it's, it's just so good. Like, I've got 305 days, three per day of things that I love about myself. That's a lot.

Tanya Gill: 00:30:14

That's incredible.

Tanya Gill: 00:30:16

That's incredible.

Tanya Gill: 00:30:17

Are you doing math?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:30:19

Yeah, that's 915 things I love about myself, I'm sure there's repeats, but there's still 915 times I've intentionally written down something, I love that myself.

Tanya Gill: 00:30:28

And so let's just talk about the impact that that has, every single time, you identify one thing that you love about yourself, you have in your mind, you've identified it in your hand, you have physically written it out your mind and your body there. And then your spirit has the opportunity to absorb that good shit and go, Oh my God, we love me. We love me. And we do that three times. Right? And it might be just like, it sounds so simple, but we're breaking it right down. Like, I often write, I am loving, like, one of the things I love about myself is that I am Love and Light. And, and I, I live that I that is who I am, I am loving light. And I own it, I write it down. But that's something I love about myself and something I reinforced just by writing it down. And then I'm on to the next fucking thing.

Tanya Gill: 00:31:23

It's the impact that those little tiny tiny things have on who you are and how you function in life, that it's fucking transformational. Yeah, big time. 915 times you have loved on yourself. And you can now say to yourself, and it was before the 900 and 50th time that you were like, I love myself.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:31:48

It was around the 265 mark, I think.

Tanya Gill: 00:31:53

Okay, so that's also really interesting, right? So I think honest, right? It's honest, like, people think that oh, is this mean? I'm gonna love myself instantly. No, it's a fucking practice. And it takes intention, it takes showing up consistently. Right. And unfortunately, society gives us these messages that we're not allowed to love ourselves, because we're fucking narcissists. If we do, right, or we're selfish, or it's egotistical, or it's arrogant, or it's like, it goes on and on and on. And, you know, loving yourself isn't to the exclusion of others, loving yourself, it's actually taking it and being able to magnify it and share it more and more and more. Love does not have an end, stop.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:32:46

No, no. And like, and we've talked about this before loving myself, has given me more space to love my people. Truly, it has improved so many things.

Tanya Gill: 00:33:01

More space to love your people how,

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:33:04

because when I show myself love, one, I think when you show yourself love it puts into the world, what you want to receive. So that's really important, but also like, it shows, just awesome. When I love myself, I give myself space and my space for myself allows me to you know, get myself in check and then have space for my people. Um, so there's just, it just gives room it gives room for more love and like my husband has noticed, you know, when I spend a lot of time loving myself, I've got a lot more joy and then that joy goes to my people and they feel more loved. I'm not shutting them down, I'm not pushing them off. I'm not, you know, make it quick, make it snappy, I have time again. And I've got space and room and love. It's not that it wasn't there before I just didn't have the space or the ability to compute it to show it to give it

Tanya Gill: 00:34:04

and that comes back to that concept of help write honor empathy, love and presence which we copywriting but honoring what you need and and what you need in order to be able to feel like you're taking care of yourself and showing up for yourself honoring that. Also honoring that the past is really fucking hard and you know what, you know what you want in the future and what direction you're going. You've got to honor that empathy is like it's not always fucking easy. And it's still worth it. And oh my god, I deal with a lot of shitty things. In the past I've dealt with them and sometimes they still show up right fucking now. Empathy is that piece of like, really accepting and holding space for yourself gently. Love part like Fuck, man. We talk about that all the time. This whole podcast is going about it right. And then the presence piece comes from all of that. And that's the presence for yourself. But it's also the presence you describe in the way you love upon others, right? Not all up in your fucking head. When you're with those people, you can actually be present with them. And it's all infinite. No and stop no beginning start. It's just one big, taking care of me and passing it out to you and you're passing it back to me and we're having a big old party.

Tanya Gill: 00:35:36

They go love fest, a big ol love

Tanya Gill: 00:35:38

fest. What I love is we've had these really cool conversations about Lizzo. Yes. And my message is, is always going to be so clear. You are fucking beautiful. Period, and stop. I've lived in a world of fat shaming. And, and I want to make it very, very clear that I will always consider myself a big girl. Because in my heart, I'm a big girl and physically I still feel like a big girl. And,

Tanya Gill: 00:36:12

and the truth is that

Tanya Gill: 00:36:14

big girls have a different experience in life as in how they have been treated. And as in how they treat themselves because of all the external shit. Yep, Victor. And Lizzo is such a solid reminder that we are all fucking beautiful. And we are all fucking powerful. And you better never fucking think that just because I'm a big girl. I'm going to drop have a heart attack and I'm not fit.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:36:49

Absolutely. Oh, that drives me crazy. Just because you are big does not mean you are not healthy. And it does not mean you're not living your best life.

Tanya Gill: 00:37:00

And it does not mean you're not living your best life. And Lizzo show is so incredible because it shows strength. It shows tenacity, it shows authenticity. Oh my god. Well, oh my god. You sent me a message actually, what about one of the photoshoots that they did?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:37:27

Yes.

Tanya Gill: 00:37:28

Talk about that.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:37:29

Um, well not about there was not that part of the episode. But it was the episode with the their nude photo shoot. And I felt that because I had done a boudoir photo shoot a couple of years ago. And for me, I feel like I had a relatively similar experience where the photographer sent me my photos and I I sobbed. I truly saw because I had put that off for so long again to lose weight before I did it. And I didn't lose weight. I went in there exactly who I was. And I got those photos back and I saw it for a long time and not like it was an ugly sob like a true ugly sob. I felt so beautiful and so incredible. But the part of that episode that that made me ugly cry was they wrote their limiting word on their mirrors or windows are glasses and they broke them. And that was just so powerful man, like, where do I get a piece of glass? I'm ready. Like, I was just such a beautiful, oh my god that they had.

Tanya Gill: 00:38:29

Caitlyn when we run in person, like weekend retreats, you better believe there will be glass that we shatter. Yes, that experience that I was so moved by that to watching women write their limiting beliefs, that in dialogue, whatever it is on the glass, and for them, it was a word. And if you can get to a word that is so so beautiful. Even if it's like I have visions of people writing their whole fucking story on a piece of glass and then shattering whatever you need to do to realize that you can just put it out there and then say, that is not me now and literally shatter it. Like it's so beautiful. It's such an analogy. Well and the other thing is, is that it gives people an opportunity. Like the the experience of them, seeing themselves and owning their bodies in ways that were so powerful and empowering, sexy, sensual, adventurous, creative, like capturing the essence of who they are. was what made it so meaningful. I think it was so beautiful. It was so us. Now if friends if You're listening to this and you're like, What the hell are they talking about? You need to find Liz's watch out for the big girls show. It's on prime. And it is amazing because it talks, it runs these women who want to be big girl dancers, which we all know, there isn't a huge market for big girl dancers, like unless you're going to dance for Lizzo. Most of the dancers have a certain look. And in life, lots of people think that if they don't have that, look, they don't get to participate. And Liz's breaking those walls down and saying, You know what, I have a space for you where you fucking belong. And you need to be empowered in yourself. And you need to be kind and loving to others. And if you have work to do, go do your fucking work and come back. And you know, her message is that this isn't just about big bodies, bigger bodies. Big bigger, do that's all about my whole hang up around fat, right? I I'm like, why do we have to label these big girls? But it isn't just about larger bodied women dancing? No, no, it is about that relationship inside.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:41:27

Yeah, she really focuses on that. And that's what I really like, like each I've only watched a handful of episodes, but each episode, they go through something for themselves, too. It's not just about the dance, and you know, having the stamina to do it. But it's about taking care of yourself too. And I've really loved that she she focuses hard on that.

Tanya Gill: 00:41:46

Yeah, yeah. And that piece of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for something you really want. And being able to own who you are right now. Like she's, I mean, my God, like Lizzo you know, so many times I've been told, are you sure you're not just a big black woman in your little white blonde hair body? Because we know I have a month. And I know it's hard to fucking believe it's true. But we know I have a mouth. And we know, my music tastes may be along the lines of Lizzo and the like, right? And, like, holy shit, if you listen to this woman's lyrics, lyrics are about owning who you are. Being a badass, and fucking owning your fucking light and shining. And, and you know, like, that's what what you and I and perfectly imperfect is all about. It's about owning who you fucking are, and shining right now not wasting time. And you

Tanya Gill: 00:43:02

know what, like, own who you are, and living your best luck in life. Like, yeah,

Tanya Gill: 00:43:10

it's just such an incredible gift. To be able to say, to our listeners, like, we love you. It's really important to me that people not see this as a weight loss program. And yet, I want the people who want to lose weight to come to it.

Tanya Gill: 00:43:35

Because I get

Tanya Gill: 00:43:36

that desire to lose weight so desperately, I get that feeling like I am trapped inside a body that doesn't serve me I get that feeling of this is so fucking hard. And I remember waking up in the morning and obsessing over what to eat and how to like how I was gonna get through the day and feel in control and, like really hating myself, right from the get go every fucking day and thinking it was about my food and my movement and my body.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:44:15

Yeah, no, I totally. I totally, totally, totally get that. But also, like I said, I think you you can 100% go into that thinking that that's what it's about. And coming out in 90 days and realizing, oh, no, this time it was about you know, gaining some peace and some joy and the next time we need to gain a little bit of confidence. This time around, maybe some creativity. It'll get there.

Tanya Gill: 00:44:44

I know. It's just it's so interesting. I just want I just want I want women to feel empowered. I want them to be like, This is my fucking light and I'm here to fucking shine it

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:44:59

you know I know what you mean, I don't know if that comes from weight loss, though, because I feel like weight loss is something that if you're in a position that you feel like you need to lose weight, I feel like there's still so many things behind it. So I think the weight loss just kind of ends up being the cherry on top. But I don't think many people can come into it and not work on so many other things, you know what I mean? Like, you can totally come into it, and then accidentally become so much more happy, or accidentally glean gained so much more clarity in sections of your life that you need it.

Tanya Gill: 00:45:40

Yeah, and I think, though, that we, what we do is we look for that external, we think, okay, if I could just be this way I could do this, and this, and this, or I would feel this and this, and this. And the reality is, is that, you know, the various ways that I have lost weight, and or gained weight over the years have always been, or the weight loss has always been so rigid, right? It's always a diet, right? That concept of like, literally, I always felt like I was, I had to become someone else. And the truth is that in becoming myself, I've worked on all these pieces, and the weight has come with it. Because of the experience of actually fucking letting go of some shit. And being intentional, and like you said, like,

Tanya Gill: 00:46:45

it's it.

Tanya Gill: 00:46:47

It is about living your life right now. It's about what are your priorities here, and now to take care of yourself. And like, what, what I fuckin find so inspiring about you is that there are so many things that are happening in your life, so many pieces, right? You're going to school, you're married, you have a dog, you have a, you have a family that you stay connected, well connected with, you have a full time job, or almost full time more than full time sometimes job. Like you've got all these pieces moving, and you're still working on yourself with such commitment. And you're launching a business.

Tanya Gill: 00:47:34

Yes. But I think

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:47:38

you've taught me that there's a really non narcissistic way to put yourself first. And I found that, oh, that touches an emotional chord. That putting myself first is really fucking important. And I've spent so many years putting myself last, that now that I've gotten used to putting myself first and in the feeling and how amazing it is. I don't care how much shit I have going on in my life. I will not stop and I will not go

Tanya Gill: 00:48:17

back. It becomes a non negotiable.

Tanya Gill: 00:48:22

Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

Tanya Gill: 00:48:28

Putting yourself first has it meant? What is putting yourself first look like?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:48:33

It just means making space for myself. Like, it doesn't mean that if everybody in my household is having a meltdown that Oh, no, I need to walk away. And it's me time. But I make time for me in a day, like some days, all I need is five minutes to journal to whatever. Do my plan or my assessment, go to yoga, go meditate. And sometimes I need more time than that. But I make that time intentionally now. And it's something that I really missed out on in my life, because it's something that really refreshes my soul. It makes me not about really, it makes me happy. And it's, it regulates me. And I can be a better wife, I can be a better dog, Mom, I can be a better friend. And those are all proven when I take five minutes a day at minimum for myself, because all of those relationships before and you know that we're all not thriving. And then when I started putting time into myself, instead of that, they started to thrive. And I think that's really interesting because you think when you know your marriage is a little rocky, you need to pour all your energy into the marriage and fixing that. When really, I need to take some sort of time for me. Honey, you need to take some time for him. And we come back together and it's

Tanya Gill: 00:49:57

magic and And let's talk about that taking some time for you and taking some time for him. Because, like, I have, I have recently had two different people tell me that, that the self love adventure the actual plan and assessment we call it but in reality, we call it a love letter to myself and a daily reflection with love. And the love letter to myself is really like, hey, you know what, like, the reason it's called the love letter to myself is because it really is, it's actually a series of lists, if we're being honest, it's not even a lot of journaling, because it's, it's about efficiency, and it's also about effectiveness. So it's a series of lists. But this series of lists gives you an opportunity to create some direction and exercise your gratitude muscle. Right. And also, being with yourself. And the reflection is an opportunity to actually say, This day was not a fucking waste, that it wasn't a fucking waste. Because I learned something, I did some things, right. I'm thankful for some shit. And this is how I showed up for myself. And I'm worth it. If that's the only thing someone gives to themselves, and it's five, on a hard day, it might be 10 if you decide you want to write more, but if it's five minutes of time, can that five minutes of time pen to paper actually make a difference?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:51:34

I mean, I'm not going to speak for myself, I'm gonna speak for my husband, because he started doing it. And yeah, it makes a damn difference. And He only takes five minutes.

Tanya Gill: 00:51:44

Okay, so this is the hilarious thing, right? Because you've been doing it for quite some time. And it's become something that's a part of you. And it's something that you recognize it's five minutes, but it makes a difference in your mindset and how you operate mind, body and spirit.

Tanya Gill: 00:52:03

And he was a lurker, right. And he got he was, he was a lurker, right. So like, how did he lurk? He just he noticed

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:52:18

you notice the changes, he noticed if he was jealous, and he expressed it, he was jealous of how much it had shifted my life and how when I set a goal and made the goal because I had daily reminders to get to that goal. And he was he was pretty jealous of that. So he worked a lot about it. Like he never looked at my stuff. But he was always he was curious. He was judgmental, but not like, you know, he was just judgmental. And wait, I could never do that. I could never sit down and do that every single day when I first offered it to him. He was like, Yeah, well, maybe I'll do the weekly or just the monthly, I don't know. And then I was like, just try the daily for a week. I think he's, I want to say 50 days in and he's done the daily every single day.

Tanya Gill: 00:53:04

What have you noticed so much.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:53:07

He's, you know what, I'm the thing that's really important to me. And I know it is for him too. He's become so much gentler to himself. And that makes such a difference because he's so hard on himself. And he's starting to give himself kindness as well. And that's so, so big and important.

Tanya Gill: 00:53:26

That's the thing, we can talk about what it does for us, right, but when we see the impact it has for others when they're doing it, especially when it comes to the grace and space and love that people give themselves. Like, that's why I call it the fucking self love adventure. That's why I offered the self love adventure as a self guided journey. Because it's like, you know what, it's time for you to give yourself some space and grace. Right? That's the beauty of it is the space and grace of it. And then, and then you start to actually make some shit happen in

Unknown: 00:53:59

your life. And

Tanya Gill: 00:54:04

the cool thing is, is you've recognized what it's done for you. And you've noticed how it's impacted your relationships in life in general. Now that he's doing it, you can see the impact it's having for him and how it's impacting his life and your life. Right as a couple and, and it's fucking five minutes a day.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:54:28

Yeah, and sometimes we do it together and that like tickles my heart. So pink, we went camping, like a month ago, and we both brought our binders we sat down at the picnic table before we went to go see your friends. We both did our reflection. We don't did our plan together. And it was the first time we had ever done that. But we both like wow, that was really like it was silent time but it was a nice moment to spend together reflecting. And yeah, let's super quick, easy. Just started our day on such a good note.

Tanya Gill: 00:54:56

The thing that I remind myself on days when I feel I don't want to do it. And just so we're clear, there are some days I don't do it. But I, but I noticed the void of it. And sometimes I'm like, oh my god, do I really want to do this? And then I remind myself really like, do you like, is there a real? What is the compelling reason? You don't want to spend five minutes with yourself? Like, what the fuck is that about? And then I remind myself, it's like, oh, yeah, you know what, I am worth five minutes. Let's go do this and give myself that. Because then I know what I'm doing today. I have some intention. I also get to drink in what's good in my life?

Tanya Gill: 00:55:35

Yes.

Tanya Gill: 00:55:38

And what we focus on is what we create. And that's the beautiful thing, right? The more we focus on what we want to create, instead of holding on to what we fucking don't want, the more we move in the right direction.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:55:53

Yeah, I took that week off. And I think the beginning of June when we all work together. Yeah, I missed it so much. It wasn't even funny. I was desperate to get back to my binder and start again.

Tanya Gill: 00:56:07

What did you What did you notice when you weren't doing it?

Tanya Gill: 00:56:11

I fell down. Like, there's something it's,

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:56:16

it's so cheesy, but it's true. Like there's something about every day recognizing what you're grateful for, and what you love about yourself. And I like also having a plan. Like I'm a plan, lady, I like having a plan for the day. And also, not to mention, actually, knowing what you're going to eat in a day is really frickin convenient. Instead of just standing in front of a fridge blankly. I really like that. Um, but yeah, I just like a plan. And I like starting my day, loving on myself and being grateful with for what's in my life. And I like ending my day that way, too.

Tanya Gill: 00:56:50

When you have the opportunity and permission to live on yourself in a really simple way. It really, you know, and that's the thing, like, it's the permission, you have permission to sit down every day and write what you like about yourself. Mm hmm. And when you start doing it, it's really fucking hard. And then when you stop doing it, you miss it.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:57:16

You're also is really funny. You said when you start, it's really hard. And that's something my husband experienced as well is that he said he kept writing the same stuff over and over again, he goes, this is boring, like, how am I going to stick with it? So then he started, he said he was forced to get creative and think of other things. So now he's got his list of whatever, 50 days times three a day of things that he loves himself, and I'm sure there's repeats. But now, now that he's been forced to get creative, so it's not boring. There's so many more things he's discovered. He loves about himself and me as well. Like, it's, it's just so good. Like, I've got 305 days, three per day of things that I love about myself.

Tanya Gill: 00:57:57

That's a lot. That's incredible. That's incredible. Are you doing math?

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:58:02

Yeah, that's 915 things I love about myself, I'm sure there's repeats, but there's still 915 times I've intentionally written down something, I love that myself.

Tanya Gill: 00:58:10

And so let's just talk about the impact that that has, every single time. You identify one thing that you love about yourself, you have in your mind, you've identified it in your hand, you have physically written it out your mind and your body there. And then your spirit has the opportunity to absorb that good shit and go, Oh my God, we love me. We love me. And we do that three times. Right? And it might be just like, it sounds so simple, but we're breaking it right down. Like, I often write I am loving, like, one of the things I love about myself is that I am Love and Light. And, and I, I live that I that is who I am, I am loving light. And I own it, I write it down. But that's something I love about myself and something I reinforced just by writing it down. And then I'm on to the next fucking thing.

Tanya Gill: 00:59:08

It's the impact that those little tiny tiny things have on who you are and how you function in life. That it's fucking transformational. Yeah, big time. 915 times you have loved on yourself.

Tanya Gill: 00:59:28

And you can now say to yourself, and it was before the 900 and 50th time that you were like, I love myself.

Caitlin MacTavish: 00:59:35

It was around the 260/5 mark, I think.

Tanya Gill: 00:59:40

Okay, so that's also really interesting, right? So I think honest, right? It's honest. Like, people think that Oh, does this mean I'm gonna love myself instantly? No, it's a fucking practice. And it takes intention. It takes showing up consistently. Right and And unfortunately society gives us these messages that we're not allowed to love ourselves because we're fucking narcissists. If we do, right, or we're selfish, or it's egotistical, or it's arrogant, or it's like it goes on and on and on. And, you know, loving yourself isn't to the exclusion of others, loving yourself, it's actually taking it and being able to magnify it and share it more and more and more. Love does not have an end, stop.

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:00:33

No, no. And like, and we've talked about this before loving myself has given me more space to love my people. Truly, it has improved so many things.

Tanya Gill: 01:00:51

More space to love your people, how.

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:00:59

Because when I show my self love, one, I think when you show yourself love it puts into the world, what you want to receive. So that's really important, but also like,

Unknown: 01:01:11

it shows

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:01:13

just just awesome. What about myself, I give myself space, and my space for myself, allows me to, you know, get myself in check and then have space for my people. And so there's just, it just gives room and gives room for more love. And like my husband has noticed, you know, when I spend a lot of time loving myself, I've got a lot more joy. And then that joy goes to my people. And they feel more loved. I'm not shutting them down, I'm not pushing them off.

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:01:45

I'm not, you know, make it quick, make it snappy. I have time again. And I've got space and room and love.

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:01:53

It's not that it wasn't there before I just didn't have the space or the ability to compute it to show it to give it

Tanya Gill: 01:02:04

and that comes back to that concept of help. Right? Honor empathy, love and presence, which we copyrighting but honoring what you need and and what you need in order to be able to feel like you're taking care of yourself and showing up for yourself. Honoring that. Also honoring that the past is really fucking hard. And you know what, you know what you want in the future and what direction you're going, you got to honor that empathy is like, it's not always fucking easy. And it's still worth it. And oh my god, I deal with a lot of shitty things. In the past, I've dealt with them and sometimes they still show up right fucking now. Empathy is that piece of like, really accepting and holding space for yourself gently. Love part like, Fuck, man, we talk about that all the time. This whole podcast has been about it right? And then the presence piece comes from all of that. And that's the presence for yourself. But it's also the presence you describe in the way you love upon others, right? Not all up in your fucking head. When you're with those people, you can actually be present with them. First of all, we love you. We absolutely fucking love you. So if you've been having issues with your body, if you think your ankles are too thick, or your hips are too flabby, or your acids too flat, or your arms are too, like check out these fucking wings. We're gonna

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:03:37

if I had my sweater off, you would absolutely same thing

Tanya Gill: 01:03:40

but you know what's under there, there's some muscle and you want those muscles do the get me through life. And that's what fucking matters. Yep, that's all that matters. It's all that matters. Living your life. Juicy wisdom, intention and some fun and enjoying it. Right?

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:04:01

Yeah, amen. Preach it, preach it, sister. Preach it. Preach it. Preach ampersand. It's just a skin suit. It doesn't come with us when we die. It's our soul. That's important. And that's the biggest thing right? Like make sure your soul as well make sure your soul is healthy. Make sure your soul is happy.

Tanya Gill: 01:04:21

Okay, there's so and that's a really funny thing too. Because the process of arriving which I know I never will fucking arrive. Because really, when you know, I, my arrival will be when I take my last breath. My arrival will be and I have no idea what will happen after that, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be pretty cool. Right? Like, I think death is going to be cool. Maybe not that. I hope it's cool. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Reality is between that last breath and right fucking now. All I have is the breaths. And then what I choose to do with my mind and my body, in order to nurture my spirit to that last breath, I used to think it was all about what I could control outside of me to try and look a certain way in my body to try and feel a certain way. And all of that shit. Just made life too fucking complicated and confusing. And it's like the reverse. It's like, Oh, my God, what do I want to my soul? And how do I want to treat my body? And how is all of that going to impact what's happening around me? And how good can I fucking make it?

Tanya Gill: 01:05:37

In this skin suit that I'm in today? Not the skin suit that I'm gonna be down the road? Yeah. Right. Well, I feel like

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:05:49

once every everything Alliance, once your mental health and your soul and all of that is in tune, I think your body follows naturally. When you're happier, and you're healthier, and you have more joy. I feel like you feel you feel lighter. And then you want to move your body and you want to do more things. And it's all it all comes together just for your best life. It all it is all together. It is just a skin suit. But it will follow. I think the inside work is the most important work and it has to happen first, but your body will

Tanya Gill: 01:06:25

follow. And most people want to just change the body and don't want to do the inside work. Hmm. The inside work might be recognizing what you've been doing. That doesn't work.

Unknown: 01:06:36

Yeah. Oh,

Tanya Gill: 01:06:38

yeah. That might mean and what happens is we then move into that place of fear of Deja, it's like, Are you fucking kidding me, I already know the shit that's going wrong. I don't want to focus on that you're right. But you know what, until you recognize what's not working, you can't say this is what I don't want anymore. And this is what I do want. And then starting to let go of what you don't want, and letting go of what you don't want and focusing on what you do want. And working with Dasia, that fucking inner critic who's got all the bullshit stories.

Tanya Gill: 01:07:10

And when you work on that, it follows. And it

Tanya Gill: 01:07:16

Yeah, it all comes together. It totally comes together. Now, Miss Caitlin. I absolutely love our time together. And I know that you're going to be on the show again soon. And I also know that people are going to be getting to know you inside the collective and inside our shine group that is coming up. Now excited. It is so so exciting. You will also have your own spot on the perfectly imperfect web page coming up. All of these things are coming. And so I'm just planting seeds that people right now need to get to know you a little bit better. So how can they find you and start following the amazing Caitlin McTavish

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:08:10

right now I'm just on Instagram situated in sunshine.

Tanya Gill: 01:08:16

Situated in sunshine Caitlin McTavish is on Instagram was situated in sunshine and you guys you have to follow her you have to follow her. She's fucking amazing. You have to follow her. Actually I'm inviting you to because the truth is like she's got some great inspiration she's a beautiful soul. And if you are interested in our program that is going to be launching in September called shine Love Yourself light what I haven't told you about shine Love Yourself light is that there is an invisible comma in that title. And that invisible comment is the pause in the program you're going to have the opportunity to insert that pause where the title Love Yourself light transforms into love yourself light because the truth is that when you arrive at that place in that pause you will recognize that it's all about loving yourself and seeing the light that you are and I hope you'll join us if you want more information please direct message either Kaitlyn or myself on our socials or shoot us an email I am Tanya at perfectly imperfect WTF Caitlin? What's your email?

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:09:42

Caitlin at perfectly imperfect dot WCF Kaitlyn at perfectly. Ay ay T L I N though.

Tanya Gill: 01:09:52

Caitlin is C ait l i n. So Caitlin or Tanya app perfectly imperfect WTF you can get in touch with us to find out more about the SHINE program.

Tanya Gill: 01:10:06

However, if you're listening to this at any other time, in any other place or any other space, please remember

Tanya Gill: 01:10:16

you are loved. You are beautiful. You are fucking special. You are important. And you deserve to live the life that you want to fucking live. Period and stop. Caitlyn, do you have any closing message for listeners?

Caitlin MacTavish: 01:10:43

I think my closing message would just be it is so worth it is similar. It's just so worth it.

Tanya Gill: 01:10:52

It's so worth it. Thank you my love. My friends. Thank you so much for joining Caitlin and I in this cool little conversation about your inner light and about how amazing it is that we live in a world where we can shine our light and live our best life. From my heart to yours. From Caitlin McTavish and Tanya Gil until next time, we love you go ahead and shine sister. Wha